To wish I succeeded when I was 16

[fizzysci]

I took a paracetamol overdose at sixteen. I wish I'd succeeded.

No words OP. Would it help to talk?

How old are you now op if you don't mind me asking?

Do you have any rl support?

Please, please seek some help. Your life matters.

I won't end it but I mean nothing. I fail at everything I try, today I screwed up at work and it's my appraisal tomorrow, I may as well quit. I failed at being a likeable child, I failed at marriage and everything I do goes to shit.

Everyone has screwed up at work at some point, it’s a horrible feeling but we’ve all been there and it will get better, it’s all part of being human. Children aren’t unlikeable it sounds like you weren’t happy though and that’s not your fault

I often feel the way you do in your OP. I did the same.

A week ago I finally went to the GP appt I'd waited three weeks for. And since then I'd had a phone consultation with the CMHT.

Getting off my chest how desperate I feel, and to what extent, has helped a bit. I'm waiting to be seen in person now. It's a stupid system they're currently using buy get, cuts to the nhs.

I battle the feelings you describe. The failures, being disliked, things being harder. I have adhd which wasn't diagnosed in my childhood but explains why everything was extra hard for me and why I've failed or been disliked.

Try and find things to do which have an element of satisfaction in them. I've been drawing squiggly lines on paper, then randomly colouring parts of the result.

You mean a lot.

Most jobs these days are exploitative and shit. Marriage is hard for most and impossible for the rest. Many in the older generations have unrealistic expectations for their children since society has changed so vastly with the expansion of technology and globalisation making fewer people needed for the same amount of work.

The only miracle in all this is life. That's it. Please don't beat yourself up about the times we live in. You are a valuable human.

I hope you feel a bit less hopeless this morning OP.

This is a rough patch, we all have them.

OP what was your childhood like? Do you have unresolved issues?
Perhaps counselling ?

I've had terrible rough patches too, they go away, and when it does it may be an idea to think seriously about adressing underling issues and learning to care for yourself.

Hope your appraisal goes better than you are predicting today. Go in with an open mind and try to not be defensive or negative, even if you feel awful. Ask what you can do to improve, tell them you are keen to learn and ask for some development courses. Share the fact that you are going through a tough time. That is, if you think you want to keep the job and want to stay there. Hopefully your Manager will give you a chance if you seem determined to turn things around. You say you have failed at marriage. We don’t have much to go on here but it usually takes two to fail at a relationship. My relationship is at rock bottom and I saw it as failing until recently but I have realised we aren’t right for each other and no matter what I have tried to make things worked it was destined for failure and therefore it wasn’t my fault. And in terms of failing at being a likeable child, it sounds like you didn’t have that champion building you up, helping you grow your self esteem. I am sorry you had an unhappy childhood, it really can affect your whole life. Each day I wake up, I tell myself ‘it’s a new day’. It is a very simple phrase but it helps me approach the day with a clean slate. Yesterday was bad but that doesn’t mean today needs to be. Today could be the best day of my life. Try to find some optimism from somewhere if you can. But also talk to your GP re counselling as you need support. Best of luck. Hope you are okay.

thank you.

Yes I hope you are ok op. Good luck at your appraisal. It may not be as bad as you anticipate. Sometimes the fear is worse then the actual thing ifyswim.

Please give yourself a break. You are judging yourself far too harshly. Would you judge a friend in the same harsh way?

You do NOT mean nothing. You matter. Please don't think this about yourself. And please get yourself some support

OP you triumphed at 16 because you survived. You are in employment, you contribute to society, you have been loved and you will be loved again.

Everybody has an unknown admirer, everybody makes a positive impact on somebody's life. It's A Wonderful Life has a great lesson for us. The love is there and don't give up searching for it.

Tell your manager you are struggling. You should get some support.

You have a rightful place in the world. Lots of love to you

I will be thinking of you all day and wanting the best for you

I will be thinking of you today too Fizzi and hoping for everything to go well for you but if it doesn't, its not the end of the world. I for one care that you're okay today and always.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Hi
I have had moments like your having - screwing up at work, failed marriage ect. Also took a couple of over doses as a teenager. Life can be so hard sometimes. Antidepressants saved my life and have had some really good talking therapy. Hope today goes ok.

When you were a child, if people didn’t like you or take good care of you, it was because of their own problems.
You have a job that is important enough that it matters if you make mistakes! And everybody makes some mistakes.
Marriages/relationships can be complicated- and they often don’t last.

Sorry things have been difficult.

Hey op,

I hope today went better than expected. I'm not very good with words but I wanted to say I'm cheering you on from over here. Xx

People didn't like me as a child and people don't like me now.
Nothing has changed.

I tried at 14. At 20 I tried again because I wish I had succeeded. I am so, so pleased I didn’t succeed either time. I’m 30 now and it felt like failure then but my god, I really am grateful every day that I lived.

You didn’t fail at suicide op, you survived. I wish I had the words to help but please believe me when I say it doesn’t always have to be this way xxx

I've been waiting 30 years and it's still like it.

Who do you like or admire?