Just realised something about my mother re anxiety

[VickyBHF]

Hi, looking for some help and guidance. I’ve just realised (from reading another thread) that I think my mother suffers from anxiety. She gets very panicked when thinking or discussing certain topics (travel, parking, meals) to the extent that I can she is suffering physically - heavy breathing, alarmed look in eyes, etc, The worry level seems hugely disproportionate to the perceived “problem”. She is very much of the war generation ie stiff upper lip, make do and mend, and she would rubbish any mental health issue as “complete nonsense”. However as she’s getting older I can see that it is really affecting her happiness. So, what is the best thing to do? Book her a dr appointment (she believe drs are for wimps)? Discuss it with her? Any help and guidance grateful received. She does meditation regularly but it doesn’t seem to help!!! Thanks all.

I doubt you can just take it upon yourself to book her a doctors appointment. I’d discuss it with her, perhaps research and suggest some coping strategies.

Thanks Carrie, will have a look at some coping strategies for her. Any advice on that front gratefully received.

She will likely be offended and is very, very unlikely to seek mental health help. I think the kindest you can do is to listen to her and validate her and put up with her, even when it's annoying. You sound like a good daughter x

Thanks Blue for your kind words. I fear you are right re putting up with it. Am going to have a think about how to approach it. I recognise there is no magic pill or quick fix.

Maybe watch tv shows that discuss anxiety together, the one with Nadia last week on bbc was good. Explain your concern and see if she identifies with any of the symptoms, the show gave a good example of typical symptoms and typical treatment so maybe helpful

Similar occurred to me about a year ago. My mum has insomnia and overthinks stuff and worries about me and DSis a lot despite us both being happy and well etc. So I spoke to her and suggested she has low level anxiety and maybe she didn’t have to live like that. We had a chat about it and she said she had previously had counselling when two close family members died in a short period of time but felt she didn’t need help really now. I accept that she is aware of it being a bit of a problem and my DSis (dr) and I discussed it and decided that since we couldn’t be sure she could improve the situation as it is low level, we wouldn’t push her. I do still wish she has a counsellor to talk through things with. I’ll maybe suggest it again. I’d like her to be happier.

Sometime you spend so long seeing your mum as just your mum you forget that she is a vulnerable person like anyone. If you her daughter can’t offer her support and lend an ear to raise a potentially important issue then nobody ever will. Talk to her.

Thanks digestive. I haven’t seen it yet but am looking forward to watching it.

Happy spud, sorry to hear about your mum. Thanks for telling me your story. I hope things are ok for you/her and so true about them being vulnerable people too.

I have anxiety, it feels like a sneaky monster that likes to make mountains out of molehills and clearly we all experience it differently...but, it does help me just to acknowledge it is there. So I can learn to disengage slightly from the fear story in my head and refocus back to what I am doing in the moment. Through this, I have learnt that sometimes it is not helpful to 'over-talk' about things I am going to be doing and also just to let my thoughts go as I genuinely have no idea of the outcome. If you feel able to gently say something to her about how perhaps you perceive the situations differently then perhaps she will start to question how she is looking at it. I don't know...it can get to a level where you are scared to do anything though (I have experienced this) and I wouldn't wish that on anyone so if you can nip it in the bud with her in some way then it might help her in the long run. The mind is an amazing, creative, tool, but it can also be our own worst enemy.