I'm sat in an open plan office currently with silent tears streaming down my cheeks because I tripped coming out of the house this morning and my ankle on one leg and knee on the other are stiff/painful. I know it's nothing serious, I can walk on them, albeit slowly but it just feels like another thing going wrong and more confirmation that I'm just useless at everything.
I tripped because I was rushing to get my kids to school. I'm a single mum, they never want to get up for school. They never have any sense of urgency and we're never actually late for school but we usually only just make it.
Then I go into uni where I'm doing a PhD and usually feel confident but now everyone thinks I'm crazy because I'm sitting here crying.
Over the weekend, my younger refused to go to her dad's. I can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do. No consequences work, she either doesn't care or they escalate the situation to her damaging my stuff and the house.
We just moved into a brand new, newly decorated house. I'm desperate to keep it clean/undamaged but I don't know how long I can with my younger daughter in it.
We also have a new dog who's reactive to other dogs and people so I'm always trying to keep her and everyone else safe. The other day she nearly bit someone.
I'm honestly doing my best but it just feels like none of it is good enough. I've had depression before but I don't think this is depression, it doesn't feel the same and I'm functioning, I couldn't get out of bed when I had depression before. I just don't know what's wrong with me.