I wish I was dead

[astarish]

I've had enough of life. I feel like my family would be better off without me. They deserve so much more than this broken mess. I don't know how to fix it other than to not be here anymore.

I suffer from depression and anxiety which I know has been worse because of the contraceptive implant. I had it taken out last night, so why do I feel even worse

Your family would be devastated if they lost you.
How long have things been extra difficult?

because you need to give your hormones time to adjust - you probably didn't feel after the minute it was put in either.

Give it a while as it can take a while

@cakeandchampagne I've always felt like I'm not good enough for them. Like I've failed them. I don't make them happy. They're happier when it's just the 2 of them

@CabbageHippy I appreciate your response, thankyou

How old is your child?

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We're glad you're finding supportive people here, Astarish.

He's 5

@cakeandchampagne he's 5

Fives are usually very active & curious. Do you often not feel well enough to do things with him?

@cakeandchampagne not really, I've been out of work for the last year. I don't have the money or energy to do things with him

Sorry you are feeling this way op

Please trust me when I say, as someone who has experienced suicide in their family, no one felt better off afterwards. Those immediately affected still don't thirty five years later.

Please give your hormones time to adjust. Please reach out to your gp and perhaps organisations that help with adult education, money management and job seeking (whichever appropriate). It's really really hard but you can do this op .

Please seek help. You and your ds deserve it.

So if he’s having fun with someone else (dh?) because you’re not feeling well, it kind of seems like he doesn’t need or want you?
However happy he seems now, he’ll be even happier when you’re feeling better and he gets more of you!

There are lots of inexpensive ways to have fun with young children- you probably have some ideas to use later.
Do you miss your work- or the money/prestige/time away that came with it?

OP Please tell your GP to and get some help.

Have you contacted your doctor or the Samaritans yet today?

@astarish - honestly that contraceptive implant can play absolute havoc with your mental health

how are you feeling today?

Are you there, OP? I promise you, your son would not be happier without you. He loves you and having you with him is a million times better than him spending his whole life wondering why you left and whether it was somehow his fault. Stay. You owe him that much.

Contact the Samaritans and your GP. Please.

Please tel:01274760720 Getting out of poverty. They are extremely helpful and no one will judge you. They provide counselling free and will also help with finding a job and providing you with work skills etc. They also have a club of people in same situation as yourself so you will know you’re not alone.

MIND are also great with signposting to relevant agencies.