Living like a poor homeless person

[HopeKoala]

I might as well blurt it out: I haven't changed my clothes for a week, before that i hadn't changed them for 13 days. I've not had a bath./shower for a month, and before that it was 3 months. I feel so low and ashamed. And quite hopeless actually. .

Am already on Anti d's, and Pregabalin and Mirtazapine.
Ive also had CBT therapy recently but it hasn't worked for these problems. It did help decrease my intrusive thoughts.

I have two sons 17 yrs and 22 yrs, and I feel so bad for them watching me live like this. I should be grateful that I have a home and a bathroom whereas I am living like a homeless person.

I dont work as I have social anxiety, and more recently developed agoraphobia,

I am an old Mumsnetter but I deleted my old account and changed my name just now. I hope someone can help me see clearly.

Hi OP, at my worst I didn't wash my hair for six weeks. Strategies for intrusive thoughts sound like great progress. Would it help to break the shower down into simple steps? I started doing body brushing as part of a routine, five mins of it is brilliant for anxiety - it helps naturally modulate and calm the senses, which is also helpful for facing the outside.

How long have you been on your medication? They can take a while to kick in. If you've already given it a fair crack you may need to have them changed or increased. I have tried so many medications combinations over the years before I got the right ones for me. I also see a psychiatrist now rather than just a GP and he has - literally - saved my life. I needed expert help. May be worth asking to be referred. Good luck. I know how awful you're feeling

Could you ask your sons to run a warm bath & put some towels out for you?

Thank you summercandy and mummofmytribe for your replies,
I will really try to break it into little steps but Im so anxious
I also sleep downstairs on a sofa with my clothes on, this bothers me because it's another sort of down and out way of behaving. And my two sons must be so affected.

Im on 600 mg of Pregabalin and have been for almost three years. And the same length of time on Mirtazapine 15 mg.
I actually want to come off these meds, theyre not working are they, Ive had them upped and downed , been on so many different antidepressants too.

Am thinking of going into a rehab where i would have to sleep in a bed, and shower every morning, Do you think this is a good idea? I could also come off my tablets when Im in there,

Hi Koala,

Nothing stays the same forever.

Rehab sounds like a great idea. It's also quite impressive that you've gone from showering once in 12 weeks, to once in 4 weeks to once a week- that's brilliant progress- even if it feels like a smaller step.

I second someone else's suggestion to ask your eldest son to run a bath for you or put the shower on. If you cannot face doing a lot then even sitting in the bath or standing in the shower and pouring some shampoo over your hair would be better than nothing. Alternatively have you tried setting an alarm for a particular time in the day and getting up immediately when it goes off to take a shower?

With regard to sleep downstairs- is that because you feel too drained to walk upstairs? Or do you stay down later into the night because of insomnia and then just stay on the sofa?

Are you eating/preparing food ok? If your sons could help prepare meals then that might help you to start working on your recovery until you can get to rehab.

HopeKoala, how was your day?

Is there a different medication you wanted to try?
Or were you thinking of something else that might help?

Sometimes I’m the same. If not it’s the same 2 shirts if my husbands I wear everywhere. Sometimes when I’m at my worst I just try to do 1 thing a day, even if that’s brush my teeth or clean the kitchen. Just 1 thing, and it kind of helps I managed to do some housework today but I went back to bed.

You're worth looking after yourself. What if you looked at showering or a bath as a treat for yourself? Would that be helpful?

I find having a shower is exhausting and quite often I don't have the energy to even try.
I aim for 2 showers a week, but I couldn't this week but have just had one tonight. Only because I have to go somewhere tomorrow and I look like shit though!
I try to do it before bed, because I know I'll be shattered after.
Do you have a shower cap? Maybe have a quick shower without doing your hair. I find that much easier.
If you can't be bothered to change your clothes today, how about just lay some out for when you do have the energy? Or just change socks and top.
Baby steps. It's shit being depressed, but you CAN find things that help keep the pretence up for other people. Fake it till you do it for yourself approach!!!