to think that some people just don't have a damn clue..

[annaballoon]

I'm a single mum to a 6 month old. I'm single because my ex abused me and I left. Hardest thing I ever did and internally it was the proudest moment of my life. I have post natal anxiety. I'm breast feeding but my periods have come back (4 weeks after lochia stopped) and I'm suffering as I spend 15 out of 30 days bleeding. My hormones don't seem to have settled like they said they would after a few weeks. I'm exhausted and have no help. My back hurts, my son is teething. I'm dealing with the social stigma of being a single mum. I have no money. I hate myself and felt suicidal as I felt I had put myself and my son in this position. Im overwhelmed with text messages dating over a month that I haven't responded to. People are getting upset with me, but I can't bring myself to reply. It genuinely feels too overwhelming. I know I must seem rude, but I don't know what to do. My friends are getting irritated and instead of asking if I'm okay are telling me I need to respond or they will 'clearly know where they stand'

I don't think they understand what it's like to have a real breakdown and mental illness.

Do you think my friends are justified in being angry and if so how do I deal with this? My life is falling apart.

OP, in the kindest possibly way, they aren’t mind readers. Ignore people getting snippy but tell the people close to you you need help. I’m so sorry you’re so low xxx

Have you spoken to your gp - you could have post natal depression? Your friends dont know you are struggling, could you speak to any of them about how you are feeling?

I'm so sorry OP I have had a similar experience and did not want to meet up with people etc. Have you one close friend who you could confide in and would be able to tell your other friends what is going on? It will seem hard that initially conversation but once it's done you can concentrate on yourself and healing from all that is going on. Much love xx

I know what that feels like OP. Avoidance and procrastination can be part of depression. People think it’s impossible to not have the energy to send a text but you just put off & put off & then it becomes bigger in your head, then bigger in reality.
First of all, well done for getting away from the abuser. You should be very proud of yourself. And for keeping your baby safe
The heavy menstruating will not be helping at all You might even be anaemic. You need blood tests. Makes GP’s apt.
Fuck anybody who’s judging you for being single - what do they know?
Take very small steps. Literally “well I’ve managed to make myself a cup of tea ...get dressed .. change a nappy”.
You need urgent help.

Please please let your friends know.
Send the same message to all “I’m feeling ill and have been for a while. It’s nothing to do with not wanting to stay in touch.”
It’s Mental h week isn’t it? Jesus heopefly people will be putting goodwill into practice rather than paying lip service to it

I was going to suggest the same as above - one copy and paste message along the lines of "I've not been feeling well for a while/ months/ etc and am finding being alone with my baby very difficult and it's not your fault I'm not keeping up with contacting people back, I'm overwhelmed" or something. Depending on who it is, if they're someone close to you or close in proximity to you, be brazen and ask for help - ask if they would come and help you tidy, ask if they would come and bring you some cooked meals or help you batch cook, ask for someone to come and sit with you just so someone else can hold the baby.

It's very, very hard. I was in a refuge when my youngest was three months old. I did the bulk of everything anyway but when it really is just you, it can swallow you up.

There is a lot which can help you but baby steps for now. See the gp. Send the message to everyone. (if you lose anyone along the way, they're not worth it). One day at a time.

Hi there annaballoon,

Sorry to hear things are so difficult at the moment. It sounds really hard.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as others will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well.

We're also going to move this to the Mental Health section, where you'll hopefully find some more support.

Thinking of you

Is there one person among your friends
one person who
1 you trust
2 'gets you' (generally speaking)
3 isn't likely to be caught up in their own issues

Give them a call and ask them to come and see you (if you can - I appreciate that this may be hard0

Talk to that one person and ask them to help you.

It may be a case of using your phone to contact others or giving them access to your contacts.

It may well be that your 'friends' split in to 2 or 3 groups in your mind. Some you may want to give more of the info to than others.

The one friend that you trust most will help you.

My best friend has been an even better friend since I allowed myself to be vulnerable and ask for help. She has said that I had pushed her back so much before and she wanted to help but didn't know how to.

Thanks everyone and MN. I like the idea of a trusted friend helping out.