Once the claws of depression have sunk in, can you ever feel happy again?

[Afternooninthepark]

I have suffered with poor mental health for many years. Mainly anxiety but over the last few years my anxiety has become much more advance and I now feel trapped in an everyday cycle of anxiety, IBS and other physical symptoms which exacerbate the anxiety and which leaves me feeling very low. So low that my main aim of the day is to get through it as soon as possible so I can get back to bed and shut the world out. I have responsibilities so going to bed during the day, however tempting it is, is not possible, so I just put on a smile and get on with it (trying to avoid as man people as possible) but inside I am crushed and miserable.
I have tried every non-medicinal strategy to kick this thing (counselling, CBT, hypnotherapy, exercise, healthy eating, being tee total etc) but nothing helps.
My gp keeps on at me to try Sertraline but I really don’t think I can handle going through shit side effects whilst still trying to maintain my normal life and responsibilities (I can only just about push through feeling how I do so couldn’t possibly do it with any further physical side effects).
I am 46 and feel that this is my life now and that I will never feel mentally at peace.
Does anyone understand this? It makes me feel so alone in the real world. I am so busy looking after everyone else that if I complain about it then I am being a drama queen!

Yes. I’ve done CBT etc but I do need medication. I no longer feel anxious. I’m calmer and more me. It took me a while to find a medication that didn’t have a side effect but I wouldn’t have managed without it.

You don't know there will be any side effects. Or that they will be anything other than minor.

And the thing that anti-ds give you is hope. Hope that once they kick in properly after 6 weeks, that your life may be much easier to cope with than it has been in years.

And yes sometimes you have to try different ones. But at least you're trying to find a solution and you're not being put off if one doesn't suit you. That alone is something. The first one I tried made me feel worse. I was changed to one that made me feel better. It changed my life. I'm so glad I wasn't put off by the first one.

I bloody hope I can feel happy again. I am feeling very similar to the way you describe and the only thing keeping me going is a vague belief that this will pass and I can get better. After much encouragement from my therapist I finally booked a GP appointment for a weeks time to speak to them about meds. I'm running out of other ideas and I guess I need to try everything.

Yes.
I have a black dog, sometimes he is huge and sits on my chest meaning I can't move, but this is less often now and for shorter periods. At other times he is tiny and I slip him in my pocket and forget about him.
Some times he is off his lead and I can't even see him.
I have a lovely doctor who i speak to, I reduced a lot of things in my life.
CBT works for some.

Yes you can. Just over a year ago I got so depressed I was hospitalised for 3 weeks. They managed in that time to finally get me on a right combo of meds. (I take quietiapine, citalopram and mirtazapine)

Iam happy. For me part of the solution as well as the meds was moving back home from another country however.

Try the meds. And don't get discouraged if they don't work immediately...sometimes it takes a while to hit on the right combination of meds.

And also, when I was in that worst part of my depressive episode I was also utterly convinced I would never be happy again!

My gp keeps on at me to try Sertraline but I really don’t think I can handle going through shit side effects whilst still trying to maintain my normal life and responsibilities (I can only just about push through feeling how I do so couldn’t possibly do it with any further physical side effects).

I know there's a lot of stories about Sertraline, but I just started 4 weeks ago and the only side effects I've actively noticed are a dry mouth and feeling a bit sleepy for the first week. Nothing big, nothing scary, nothing unmanageable - and it's really starting to help me. Give it a go - it's something that takes very little effort but could help a lot.

And big hugs OP.

Thank you everyone. I know I must at least try antidepressants and I really need to get over the fear of them. It’s good to know that side effects can be minimal, I could deal with that.

I'm on three different types as I mentioned and never had any side effects at all.

I'm terrified of feeling worse initially if I go on an antidepressant. My anxiety is really bad at the moment.

Me too OP some days are just incredibly black whilst others are bearable. I have to work and I dread the black days. I don't think this is forever. I am doing my best to make my life easier by making big changes. But it's like wading through mud.

Limensoda that is exactly where I am at the moment. I am just about hanging on with the anxiety/depression/physical symptoms of just living my life, if I get any and I mean ANY more physical side effect I just don’t think I can handle that. So I too, am terrified of trying them!
madcatladyforever that is just how I describe my life, it’s like wading through mud whilst wearing concrete boots!!

@Afternooninthepark

I'm going to start yoga. My daughter was bad with anxiety/depression just over a year ago and started doing yoga at home. She found 'Yoga with Adrienne' online and does it every day. It has made a huge difference...she loves it.
Just after I posted earlier, I found this...
www.doyouyoga.com/6-yoga-poses-that-help-alleviate-anxiety-38992/
I thought I may as well have a go even though I didn't feel like it because my anxiety was really bad. May sound weird, but after I did these (probably didn't do them spot on properly) I've calmed down and my head symptoms have gone. They have really helped.
My daughter has been nagging me to try yoga for ages because she has coped with some really shit stuff this last year and reckons she wouldn't have coped without her yoga.

I'm also taking Kalms one a day Lavender capsules. They are supposed to be as effective as antidepressants for some people. Scientific reports on them are good. You can't take them if you are already on some medications. I'm taking those and chamomile tea. If none of these work I may have to consider antidepressants.....I hope not.

I had years of hell with depression but a combination of citalopram & CBT got me out of it. I love life now but if I thought I needed the ADs again I’d be back on them in seconds.

limensoda I have thought of taking up yoga too. I used to do it in my 20’s and loved it. I do follow Adrienne on YouTube so really need to give it a go. I’ve purchased some Passiflora drops today, I’m going to give those ago first, then may try the Kalms. If they fail, I will go get the antidepressants 😬
Empress I really long to say that I love life again, that is my ultimate goal. I really should try, I know, just so apprehensive.

((((Afternoon)))) I know not everyone needs ADs to get better but I waited until I was suicidal before finally getting help and at that stage worry about potential side-effects was relative.

Once I was on the right dose they got me to the stage where I could benefit from therapy & then the combination got me through a divorce, starting a new job & two moves!

I started yoga recently, loving it.

Please try the ADs. I genuinely feel I have had mental health problems for all of my adult life, and most of my teens too. Anxiety, eating disorders, and depression. Over the years I have tried a few different AD's, (some for years), had CBT, daily outpatient groups at a specialist hospital, counselling and have spent so much time doing self help and other such soul searching. But earlier this year I eventually gave sertraline a go, after seeing it improve both my husband and my sister's outlook and mood. And, I am so happy to say, it has made a difference. I take 100mg daily with propranolol (a beta blocker) added in. And for the first time I can EVER remember, I can walk out my house without feeling nervous or scared. I can drop my daughter off at playschool without the fear that I will have to make small talk with other mums, or the playschool leader. I have even been to the gym!! Without a near panic attack. Without much of any anxious thoughts really. Now, that is astounding to me. I am 35, and honestly can't remember ever being able to enter ANY social situation without fear and trepidation. Also, I can spend time alone without a constant knot of feeling like I am treading water so as to not fall into a black mood. Now I'm not going to assume I'm "cured" or I will never suffer depression again. But it has given my brain space. Space from the constant over analysing, from the constant "treading water" to avoid the sinking feeling. From constant nervousness. And improved my outlook, mood, and patience level.
I avoided going on them as the fluoxetine I was on for years, many years ago, did nothing for me except numb me to everything, which was almost worse. I though "no, antidepressants are not for me". But I'm so glad I tried them. I searched for threads here on Mumsnet about sertraline, before asking my GP for a prescription. Most are very positive. So maybe reading these responses will give you the push to do the same. It's honestly worth a try. I had absolutely no side effects. I searched Google as I was concerned I didn't have any! Not everyone has horrible side effects. Maybe you'll be the same. And if not, a wee while of side effects might be worth an overall improvement soon after.
I came out of my GP appointment after asking for them, and went for a walk on the beach and cried my eyes out. The whole walk. I was so sad. But I haven't felt that bad again since that day. I'd honestly stay on them forever if I need them.
I can't urge you enough to give it a go. I hope they have a positive effect. Even the feeling of being proactive about things might help. Good luck. I promise you there is hope that life can change.

I took up yoga and it's the only thing that helps lift my mood at all. I would really recommend it. I go to a class once a week and use the Daily Yoga app at home. While it's not gone the whole hog and sorted my depression completely, it really does help and I think I would be much, much worse if I didn't do it.

complementary the pre-Sertraline you is exactly where I am now. I spend every day over analysing everything:- every meeting, conversation, encounter or contact with people. I worry about how I look to others, how I appear or act etc. I stress over physical symptoms and have health anxiety etc. I am absolutely exhausted by early evening, anxiety and depression completely drain the life from me. I really want to try something to help but fear these potential side effects so much especially bowel issues as I have IBS already and if I am truly honest I am terrified they may cause weight gain as I have had disordered eating. I know I will never know how or if these meds will help or hinder me unless I try them, just wish I had the strength of courage to do so. I would love to be where you are now. I do need to bite the bullet, I know.

power I will look at that app, thanks.

I was severely depressed for years. I even attempted suicide and was under the care of a local mental health unit for a time.

Fast forward 10 years and I'm blissfully happy, I get a little down sometimes but that's life. I'm the happiest I've ever been and never imagined feeling like this.

I've not taken anti depressants since the suicide attempt or had any therapy. I was lucky enough to move to the countryside and start living very simply. It's what worked for me.