Could she be on medication?

[LifeLoveLoss]

I have a dear friend whose wife I have only recently met because they lived abroad for a number of years and visiting was tricky.

Anyway, he mentioned once in passing that she’s an anxious person.

Fast forward to more recently. I have met her three times now and she’s very chilled out. So chilled out that I would say she’s the most passive person I have ever met to the extent that, when I visited them the last time, it was more like I was the hostess and she was the guest. It was the first time I had been to her house but she sat there while I laid the table and cleared up afterwards. I did keep checking in with her to make sure I wasn’t overstepping the mark.

So I’m wondering, could this be the side effect of anti anxiety medication? I haven’t met anyone with anxiety before so I’m not very familiar with it.

I want to support my friend. He hasn’t said anything and I appreciate that this is their private business. I just found the behaviour unusual.

Support him with what, exactly?

Well I had an ex-boyfriend with depression and I had a couple of friends who knew and supported me because sometimes it was tough for me to be strong for him all of the time.

Quite possibly he doesn’t need any support.

She could be. It's something you'll never know unless your friend confided in you which is probably unlikely. She may have recently changed meds and be adjusting or she could have had her dosage changed. So many factors to consider. Indeed she may not be on meds at all and may not be as anxious a person as your friend has had you believe.
I'd continue to support my friend in all aspects of his life as a good friend would but asking questions will most likely have the opposite effect and he will think you are overstepping the mark.

Thanks BlueMerchant. Yes I agree, I couldn’t ask him as he’s fiercely loyal to her (as he should be) and it would be overstepping the mark.

I thought that maybe she’s depressed but they have a 2 year old and are trying for another baby. I don’t suppose one would be trying to get pregnant while in the throes of depression but who knows.

Fast forward to more recently. I have met her three times now and she’s very chilled out. So chilled out that I would say she’s the most passive person I have ever met

Doesn’t mean she isn’t anxious.

She could either be masking, or she is possibly so anxious it’s easier for her to do nothing than risk doing something wrong.

I use a “laid back” persona to mask my anxiety. People don’t know or worry about upsetting me or triggering anxiety, and it’s easier for me to pretend I don’t care, then stress about it when I get home.

I find it very difficult in situations as you describe- i often don’t know what the “rules” are, do i tidy up? Ask for/accept help? Leave it and do it later so as not to appear rude?

bluebluezoo, that’s a really good point. I hadn’t considered that. Thanks.

I thought that maybe she’s depressed but they have a 2 year old and are trying for another baby. I don’t suppose one would be trying to get pregnant while in the throes of depression but who knows.

People who are depressed have babies just as often as people who are not depressed.

People who are depressed are just as unique as anybody else. Whilst well intentioned you are making some odd generalisations that aren't helpful to your friend or his wife.

Be a friend by stepping back from the armchair psychiatry and treating them as you would anybody else.

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say anything offensive or insensitive. I was just applying my own logic to the situation. If I was recovering from post natal depression then I think I’d be worried about having another baby. I’ve had depression in the past and been medicated twice for it. It was just such an awful experience that I wouldn’t jump back in there if there was a risk it would happen again.

You’re right, however. Everyone is different. I didn’t mean to sound like an armchair psychiatrist!

Lots of people can be internally anxious but come across as relaxed/chilled. And being an anxious person doesn’t mean someone has an anxiety disorder. I’m a very anxious person and people are always surprised as I come across as laid back. In short, there’s no way of knowing.

Thanks SRK16.