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Supporting relative with MH problems

2 replies

MullofKintire · 30/04/2019 14:17

I have a relative who suffers from a range of problems - ME, Fibromyalgia, Depression, etc. Her behaviour varies from day to day. Sometimes she is fine both physically and apparently mentally. On other days she struggles to get out of bed.

When it comes to family occasions, we always invite her and she sometimes comes. It is never clear whether she will arrive or not as she often confirms she is definitely coming on the day and then just does not materialise.. But on the last few occasions she has come she has found it difficult to cope, despite everyone treading on egg shells. She has had tearful and aggressive outbursts and stormed out leaving everyone feeling bad - and the elderly members of the family and some of the children distressed. She usually phones or texts afterwards to say she is sorry she has let everybody down again, but that does not change the fact that what should have been an enjoyable occasion has been at very least uncomfortable.

Would I be being unreasonable to tell her that we are not going to invite her any more as she is unable to cope? Or is this just going to make things worse? Part of me says she is being over dramatic and should be able to control herself. But obviously she can’t.

Does anyone have any advice on what to do?

OP posts:
itwasntmeifanyoneasks · 30/04/2019 15:25

I can understand the need to confirm on the day - that is weird she does not materialise without letting you know. Maybe just assume she isn't coming then if she does turn up it's a bonus.

Perhaps check to see if everything is okay with her- it may be that her health has taken a turn for the worse and she is finding it hard to cope at the moment.

Why does she find the gathering hard / what does she have an outburst over? Are there things that would help make it less stressful?

I think not inviting her ever again is a bit harsh but perhaps make it clear if she isn't feeling great and is likely to find it overwhelming then it's fine if she doesn't come - so it's more of a choice.

The fact she apologises is a good thing - she recognises and has some insight into it.

Also inviting her for later in the day might be another tactic.

MullofKintire · 30/04/2019 17:26

@itwasnt Thank you.

I know she is finding it hard to cope but it is difficult to say or do anything without her interpreting that as interfering, being patronising etc....
Inviting for later in the day is a good idea. A shorter event might be easier for her to manage.

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