Self harming thoughts

[JustBeenNosey]

I've posted previously on here about intrusive thoughts but this weekend they have been particularly bad..
I don't know if it's because my mum is away for the week so I feel like I would be able to hide it from her but there thoughts of self harming aren't going away.

I'm struggling to be honest.
I don't know why I'm posting or what I'm aiming to achieve from it.

Sorry for waffling on

You are ok.
Make a mantra in your head instead of the intrusive self harming thoughts.

Deep breaths followed by 'everything is ok'

Repeat repeat repeat.

Put on some music/film that you LOVE.
Distract yourself. Look at the clouds, listen to the birds.

Please call a friend if you can and make plans- any plans.

Keep checking in here.

You are not alone!
You can get through.💗

@ReSistingPink thank you ❤️

I just.. feel like if I do it, these thoughts will go away. Or will they get worse?

I'm getting angry with myself because it's pissing me off that they won't go away. Last time I felt like this, I ended up in hospital from cutting myself, by accident but it was because I wasn't thinking straight and cut myself without thinking about it.. if that makes any sense at all.

Do I do it in the hope these feeling will kindly fuck off go away or do I just try battle through it?

😢😭

@JustBeenNosey

I understand. It's good that you're reaching out when you're struggling.

Admitting you're not feeling right is seriously a brave thing to do and take heart that it's the right thing to do.

Everything
Will
Be
Ok.

It's my mantra often. Anytime I feel overwhelmed or panicky.

My mom has passed. So it might seem cliche but count your blessings as such. You have at least one person that I know of who would be devastated if anything happened to you.

Do you like Tv?
Are you into Game of Thrones?
Have you seen Ricky Gervais 'afterlife'seties on Netflix? It's very sweet.

Do you have animals? Cats? Dogs?

What's your favourite music or band?

Tell me about the 'you' that feels ok. 💗
I'm listening.

I wish those feelings would eff off too.
From you. From me.
But as humans we have a difficult lot.
Life is bloody hard for most of us.
And it's ok to feel like you do.

To put one foot in front of the other.
Sometimes it's all you can do to get through day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.

That's all you or I can do.

Breath by breath.

We are all the same.
More people feel like you than not.
Keep remembering.
You are never alone. 💗

@ReSistingPink thank you so much. I've messaged two of the girls from work and they've really taken my mind off it.

I think it's because my mum and stepdad have gone on holiday for a week with the dogs so it's like, literally me, on my own, with these thoughts.

I have seen afterlife, yes. It's amazing😂

I'm sorry to hear about your mum 💐❤️

I never do anything to commit suicide but sometimes I do wish I could 'go away' for abit, if that makes sense, and get away from everything and not worry about work or, seeing anyone or speaking to anyone.

I am so glad to hear you reached out to your friends.

I'm cursing your mom for taking the dogs away too 😜 some days a goofy face lick from my mutts is enough to snap me out of myself.

I hope you're not in the same place as earlier and that things seem a little brighter.

I'll keep checking in here if you feel like chatting more.

Go buy yourself a bar of choccie or whatever you like as a treat. Enjoy a long bath or shower. Indulge yourself and treat yourself well. YOU first. Self care. Relax. 💗

Hi! Just wondering how you're feeling today?
Hope all is a little brighter for you now. 💗

@ReSistingPink sorry, yes! I took myself off to bed last night to try and sleep it off.

I know, I think I miss the dogs more than her when she is away😂💔

I'm not having the thoughts today, which is good but I still feel that 'chemical cloud' as I call it.. that kind of fuzzy head and it feels like all the chemicals are just out of balance.
But I've got a counselling appointment on Thursday to try help and see what support they can offer.

My friend mentioned to me about being 'emotionally unstable' which when you first hear you think what the fuck but as I've been reading more about it, it does kind of make sense.

I'm at work today but have told my team leader about last night and that I was debating whether to come in today or not.
I think, being here and been in a low mood is better than been at home, dwelling on things and feeling shit.

It took a lot for me not to go hunting for my stepdads razor blades last night but I was so close! (they have hidden them after last time)

I'm 25 and still live at home with my mum but now I'm scared about living on my own again, I self harmed a lot when I lived on my own and tried OD. And I wonder now, if I was living on my own, I am so scared about what would happen.

I just want to say a massive thank you for posting last night and been there. It does make a massive difference and it does help just having someone to rant to.
❤️🧡

Girl, no need for thanks, it was you who initiated it and asked for help. That's a seriously hard thing to do in that state of mind and it shows a very strong person underneath your struggles.
Maybe get your thyroid checked, it influences so much. (Lol this is my advice to everyone w/even a paper cut).

Anyway so glad you're doing ok.
Mind yourself. 💗

@ReSistingPink thank you! Hahahah 😂😂 I did have a thyroid test a few years ago and everything was alright so I can rule that out.

I'm not having them thoughts anymore but my head just feels fucked🙈
Had today off work which I think kinda helped but having that chat with work about mental health and taking a day off sick is so awkward like, yeah I'm physically well but not mentally..
do I go out, do I go to the shops, do I nope about inside, what do I do🤷🏼‍♀️

Got a counselling session tomorrow morning though which I hope fucking helps.. I've been waiting 5 month for it 🙄

🧡🧡