Absolutely tired of it all

[helplesshopless]

I think that pretty much sums it up.
If I could just not wake up or cease to exist that would be grand. The only thing keeping me here is my dc.
I've struggled through ill health - still not 100% there, but i can at least move now. I've managed to get a little p/t min wage job which I do enjoy. I have a little "pocket money". But I just feel I'm worthless. I'm ugly, getting fatter by the day. My teeth are shit (I've been saving up to get proper treatment but it's taking a while). I don't have a passion. I don't feel I'm good at anything. My husband clearly thinks I'm a twat, that's how he treats me. He had counselling for his anger/depression and was good for 6 months, but since his dad passed away (3 weeks) the lure of the pub has started again. And I feel guilty for resenting him for it. Grief should buy you a free pass - but I just don't trust him anymore.
I don't want to live like this any more. I want to be vibrant, confident and feel free to do what I want (within the confines of motherhood)
I just can't be arsed any more.

Have you told your GP exactly how you are feeling?

So sorry things seem so rough just now. You have a job - perhaps not one you like, but you are getting savings together. Your health is improving. You know you used to be a vibrant person. If you are with someone who is angry, critical and undermining it’s not surprising you feel low and can’t focus on what you might want from life. As PP said, do talk to your GP. Talking therapies could help, and you do sound as if somewhere safe to share how you feel about your relationship could be helpful too.

Sorry, mis-read about your job. Hang on to the fact you enjoy it.