How to help my DD

[Verbena37]

Also posted this in Chid Mental Health but no replies so posting here too...
Going to bullet to shorten this...

DD was going to study zoology at uni.
Hated biology A level so dropped it and instead took up level 3 photography at home online.

Has been suffering from social and general anxiety for over 2 years I’d say. Gets so overwhelmed she cannot go to shop alone, in case she sees someone she knows and they speak to her or she ignores them and they think she’s rude etc.

Finding it hard to be motivated to do anything.
Been having counselling sessions (about 14 so far) but that’s stopping after Easter as charity won’t offer more.

Says she won’t kill herself as doesn’t want to die but doesn’t want to exist here on this boring earth.
Constantly tells me ‘why did you give birth to me and bring me up in this boring place (she means the U.K.).
Always watching movies and shows to escape the monotony that is life.

Won’t/can’t chat to her friends as they just turn it round and make it about them/have no empathy or good listening skills.

She’s going through the motions of booking uni open days but says she is really only planning to study photography as she knows she can’t just travel for free for the rest of her life.

Anybody got any ideas/thoughts on how I help and support her?
This isn’t a case of her being spoilt.
There’s definitely something more to it....in my head I do wonder if it’s more like autism (her brother is autistic). She finds coping with processing info tricky at times, can’t manage her room and putting washing away etc (I know teens are like that) but seems to get so bogged down very quickly if she has a few things to get done.

Has she seen a GP ?

She saw a GP last Yr to get him to write a note for exam changes (smaller room instead of sports hall as she was having panic attacks in large space with lots of other students). He didn’t suggest anything else to help; just wrote the letter.

Taking today as an example. She is really down and moving around (even though it’s a beautiful day) and says she feels absolutely nothing.

Has she ever been assessed for ADHD? It can present differently to what you think in girls.

I thought that a few months ago. I chatted carefully about it with her and she disagreed with presentation of it. I however, could tick quite a few of the things on the list.

I’ll perhaps revisit it. The school nurse is ringing at some point so will chat it over with her.

She finds coping with processing info tricky at times does she have dyslexia? I was recently told that dyslexia is on the autistic spectrum - which I hadn't realised - but makes sense with my DD.

Has your DD had tests for vitamin D levels, iron levels and thyroid function? If not, I strongly recommend she has them.

No she isn’t dyslexic. Dyslexia isn’t on the Autism spectrum but can be a co-morbid difference... so people with ASD can also be dyslexic.

When I say issues with processing info, I guess I kind of mean when she has lots of tasks, she finds it tricky to get them all done without procrastinating. If she writes a list, she is more organised. It kind of comes across as laziness but it isn’t. She can’t sleep if her room is messy but finds it overwhelming to tidy it. Much like a toddler, when you say to them ‘tidy your room up and they can’t because it’s too much and they need it breaking down, she is the same age 17. If I say ‘ok, let’s put your make up away, let’s empty your bin, let’s put your clothes away’ etc, she can manage more easily. Maybe it’s just how her brain works.

Whether it meets the criteria for ADD (it sounds just like me) or not would be worth looking at books on it for strategies - university, adult life can be overwhelming. Slow processing speed / sensory processing disorder are things I'm just coming across now in adult life. You are right, there's nothing 'wrong', it's just how you are wired.

Thanks ADHDMe. I’ll look into it.
I’ve been looking at how girls present with ADHD/ADD and she does talk excessively, to the point (when she is talking with friends) when she’s talking garbled rubbish for the sake of it! She doesn’t seem to know when to change direction in a conversation, although she does know she’s doing it but says she can’t stop.

She can’t do homework/revision without listening to music or watching television. I tell her she needs to concentrate but she says she hates silence and can only revise with sound.

She spends money like it’s going out of fashion, then asks for more stuff. She doesn’t seem to understand when to stop even though her maths is really good.

She is massively shy/anxious when talking to people in unknown situations. She panics and has panic attacks, faints or near faints, throws up etc.

She hates thinking about the future because she doesn’t have a clue about what she will do. She says she has chosen photography because it means she can travel but ideally, she wants to travel and not work (??). She seems so grown up in many ways but like a little girl in other ways. Is it usual for a 17 Yr old to be so distant from reality?