I can't sleep when I have something to look forward to

[MattieB19]

For various reasons I developed insomnia in the last year.

A few self help books later and I'm far far better. During the working week I sleep normally. However on Friday and Saturday nights (or any night of holiday), I either struggle to fall asleep even if I go to bed at my usual time or can't fall back asleep if I wake up early like I usually do.

I realise this is because the weekends mean so much to me - I want to enjoy them, to have a good time because my working week is dull and stressful. I hate my job and my commute and the pointlessness of it. So come Friday, I am desperate to have a good weekend and then my brain says I must sleep because if I don't, my weekend is ruined because I'll feel shit.

Ergo, do I sleep? No because I've put so much pressure on myself to sleep, and that sleep becomes elusive and I ruin the weekend. Then it's Monday again.

Take last Friday night. I couldn't sleep until 1am.
My boyfriend then gets up and makes noise at 5am then goes back to bed. I however am now awake and can't sleep again. So 5 hours sleep and I feel terrible and my Saturday was a total waste because I was so anxious and depressed about not being able to go back to sleep.

I now take sleeping pills once a week on a Friday to try and ensure Saturday is better but it doesn't work.

I'm in a viscous cycle! Can anyone help?

You're a perfectionist. Not a criticism, I am too and have suffered insomnia, I also suffer anxiety on holidays because of my desire to make them 'perfect'. The problem is you are placing too much weight on having the perfect weekend. You need to find ways to relax, which may be hard if your job and commute are stressful. Perhaps your self help books suggested some strategies you could employ. Or you could try having very restful times on Saturdays so you aren't getting into a state about not sleeping, because if you are going to lie about or do low-key stuff with friends then it won't matter if you haven't had much sleep. Ultimately weekends are for recuperating, so make them easy if you can, especially while your job and commute are taxing.

I have struggled with insomnia on and off my whole life. Like you OP I tend to put pressure on myself before 'important/special' days to get a good night's sleep. Which pretty much guarantees a night of tossing and turning and really bad sleep.

I do 2 things to manage it:

1. Take an anti-histamine each evening (find one which helps you sleep - Benedryl and Piriton work for me, Clarityn and Piriteze don't!)

2. If you have a terrible night's sleep, don't dwell on it the next day. Just crack on with your day rather than keep telling yourself how tired you are and how you've only had x hours sleep. Ruminating just makes you feel worse. Have a coffee then get moving and get on with your day. And then you'll probably sleep well the following night.

Since I've got my Fitbit (a year ago), I've noticed the days when I feel most tired are when I've had relatively little deep sleep. It's not the total amount of sleep that impacts me (within reason), it's the relative amount of deep sleep (hence where the antihistamine comes in to help with this).

don't dwell on your lack of sleep

www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2544548/How-THINKING-youve-good-nights-sleep-help-function-better-youve-not-slept-long.html

thinking about how tired you are will make you feel shit. try not to - and don't keep looking at the clock in the night, it adds to the pressure.

I'm the same but I've just accepted that sleeping pills are a part of my life. I know many people are horrified by them but I don't think they are bad for you taken in moderation like we do, eg, once a week.

Thank you for your help and advice everyone. I will try to relax and avoid overthinking. I have a habit of catastrophising, be that telling myself I'll get I'll from lack of sleep or telling myself my weekend is ruined if it's not how I want it.

You can totally overcome this.

You need to try and reframe your thinking about sleep. Firstly, I agree with a previous poster about not looking at the clock. Literally ban yourself from looking at the time during the night. It makes a massive difference.

Secondly, try to practice enjoying the sensation of relaxing in bed, regardless of being asleep or not. I try to lay and just feel at peace with being in bed, in the dark and quiet, with no one making demands of me, it's incredibly relaxing once you get into it, and before I know it, I've fallen asleep.