To not know how to ‘act’ around other people

[AnnieMay100]

I’ve suffered with depression for years and I’m also a socially awkward introvert. I had an abusive childhood which is when this began (teachers noticed but parents said I was just shy) i rarely speak to my family now. I find communicating and socialising very difficult and feel judged whenever I do. I don’t have many friends and the ones I do have I feel are fed up with ‘dealing’ with me. They’re the only people I can fully be my weird self with, but I still feel uncomfortable at times and don’t feel they’re being themselves as much as they say. Visits are minimal like they can only bear me a few times a year. I say or do the wrong thing and often end up offending people or looking like a bad person.
I can’t help wondering what people think or say about me and it plays over in my mind for hours making my anxiety bad. I know I shouldn’t care. Deep down I just want to be left alone so I don’t have to ‘act’ at all but I know it’s not possible to avoid everyone. I never do well in work over this, in the past I left jobs yearly as I knew I’d started to piss off colleagues and had to escape for a new start. When I started my current job I felt like I fit in and everyone was so nice and welcoming. 5 years later the problems have begun again as my new boss and several new colleagues dont like me and the atmosphere is awkward. I surprisingly out of nowhere defended myself which I was proud of, but it made things so much worse and I cry every morning at the thought of going in. Travel and money are the reasons I’m trapped there.
I’m also divorced and a single mum to two dd who are everything to me, but I feel so alone and in some way like i am failing my dds. Small talk in the playground is a no go zone and play dates are minimal. There’s no chance I’ll meet another partner either.
I’m completely lost and have no idea how to improve my situation. Whenever I try suggestions given to me it works for a few months then I can’t carry it through and go back to how I was. I know I can’t change my personality as much as I hate it and wish I was different, I just want to be comfortable and liked in situations with other people and not let my mouth run away with me or awkward fidgeting.
Sorry it’s so long if you made it this far thank you. Any tips on how to improve this or what worked for you if you have been through it?

Youre in a vicious circle. You are aware that you are ‘awkward’ and when you try and socialise you feel anxious that you will so or say the wrong thing and the anxiety then makes you panic and you end up doing and/or saying the wrong thing!

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/how-to-be-less-awkward-social-situations-guide-ty-tashiro-a7741186.html%3famp

And

hackspirit.com/ive-been-socially-awkward-my-whole-life-heres-how-i-overcame-it/

Some self help books. Look in the library or secondhand on eBay and Amazon etc
www.amazon.co.uk/Overcome-Social-Anxiety-Shyness-Step/dp/1548239658/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?s=gateway&keywords=social+anxiety&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1555632030&sr=8-2

And

www.amazon.co.uk/Captivate-Succeeding-Vanessa-Van-Edwards-ebook/dp/B01MS5UGMI/ref=mp_s_a_1_7?s=gateway&crid=1I2DZ1HRJL5M&keywords=social+awkwardness&sprefix=social+awkwaedness&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1555632202&sr=8-7

Have a search for ‘social anxiety’ and ‘social awkwaedness’ Or ‘building confidence’ etc

You might benefit from learning religion techniques such as deep breathing which might help in stressful situations.

You might benefit from Tapping -

Info here
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201110/energy-therapy-acupoint-tapping-the-best-ptsd-treatment%3famp

Have a read up on autism in women, OP.

Would second the possible autism - GP can help here.
Mindfulness techniques can be very helpful. You can download apps to your phone that should help you re-focus.

I think it may also be time to look at a new job. Change of career? It may sound impossible but going back to uni (or going for the first time) can be great to re-set. It is hard with kids but it sounds as though you are used to worse at work. Maybe you have something you've always thought you would be good at or an area you think you can make money or a difference? Anecdotally my friend (who is also a single mum) has just gone back to do radiography - a very vocationally driven course - and has found she actually has a better standard of life than when she worked. It is bloody hard but worth it. Would recommend vocational courses though rather than 'open' ones.

I'm a single mum and totally empathise with the feeling stuck and slightly paranoid. It is something a lot of people can't quite grasp, the feeling everything about you has been taken over by the kids. It's harder to socialise and harder to find time for yourself. FWIW I think all single parents feel they are failing their kids in some way - it changes for me on a monthly basis exactly what the 'thing' is but I think we generally have high standards.

Thank you all for your lovely messages I will look into all the links and suggestions

check out autism in women xx