Managing paranoia / low self esteem

[Littlepond]

I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder and part of that manifests in paranoia linked to low self esteem - ie I assume everyone hates me and wants me to be unhappy. I have a situation at work where some things are changing and I am the one most negatively affected and it is really REALLY hard not to feel like they are doing it just to upset me. Rationally I know this is ridiculous, but mental illness isn’t rational, is it?
I’m finding it hard to stay polite and professional as I get more and more convinced I’m in a toxic environment out to destroy me.

Has anyone else experienced this? Sometimes I have my head straight and other times it’s so bad that I am genuinely convinced a waiter will lie to me about not having the food I’ve ordered because he wants me to be unhappy.

It’s exhausting and miserable. And sounds ridiculous when I try and explain it to anyone!

Hi Littlepond, I get similar thoughts and anxieties a lot! I have had psychosis in the past when it's been really, really off the scale. It's horrible and sometimes I feel so hopeless and isolated. I just wish I could be normal and not feel like this anymore. I did find a really good CBT practitioner and that helped me manage my thoughts a lot, so I would recommend it, but it's still a constant battle.

I don't know how much help that is, but just to say that you don't sounds ridiculous at all.