on a downward spiral again. help me sort my life out

[AnAngelWithin]

am finding things so hard at the moment and I don't know what to do. All my kids are driving me nuts for one reason or another. Constant arguing and attitude. I really don't know how I am going to survive the summer holidays. I don't drive and the thought of dragging 4 kids on public transport anywhere fills me with dread. We are reasonably ok with money. Not well of but managing. I trying to sell a lot of stuff so I can try and entertain the kids over the holidays, but nothing seems to be selling! DH seems to be working longer and longer. When he is home, he wants to be going out on his bike, exersizing etc, but he does try to help, but sometimes I actually wish he would just go away. He works til 2 on a saturday. Then we have to go shopping. Sunday we have to sort everything out for school, walk the dog, visit any family etc, and before we know it the weekends gone. Have had a bit of a falling out with MIL because she only ever wants to look after the eldest 2 children and excludes the younger 2 which isn't fair. DH came home from work to find me in tears. He just tells me to go and get a job instead and he will stay at home and look after the children, like its that easy. There is so much to do around the house, I barely have time to breathe. I've only grabbed 10 minutes online because the kids are busy arguing in another room at the moment. I don't seem to be able to sit down at night til after 9 by which time I am exhausted now to the point I fall straight to sleep on the sofa. I have been ill with a virus for over a week now and I am finding it hard to catch up with everything now. I just bloody hate my life at the moment. I wish I could just walk out the door and not come back. dd2 is screaming the place down now sigh

You probably need a tonic! I know how you feel. I have 4 noisy children and I'm mostly on my own. I am not well but my dh has been ill in hospital. Things do get hard at times.

You seem creative. Have you tried pottery?
Maybe you could join a class? Would your dh cover for you one evening a week? Then you could sell pots! And working with clay is very theraputic.

I don't know where I would find the time to go to something like that

Well, if your dh gets to go out excercising, it's fair for you to go out to unwind aswell. And it sounds like your dh would like to help if he could. If you have some 'me' time the whole family will benefit.

i suppose so.

i lied about the money. I am so behind with the bills. Am trying to sell things so I can pay the rent more than anything

Money worries are very stressful....

Try, Paul Mckennas book and cd...'change your life in 7 days'. It helps you think things through and make plans to change, including dealing with money worries. The cd relaxes you and helps you feel more positive and optomistic.

Taking care of children burnsout anyone, and if tou do it at full time you must be going crazy. You must find some time to go away and if I were you I should take driving lessons - it will alouwd you to go out and learn how to get more independence. Your husbund must colaborate, of course. This are his children too, aren´t them?

Hi Angel - would you like to go back to work? Was he just being fippant, or would he really welcome hte opportunity to be at home?

I'm just wondering, if money is a huge problem, then maybe you can do something that makes more than him? Also, and I can't believe I'm saying this, men sometimes make great househusbands because they just don't seem to get so attached/overwhelmed/something. I don't know how to put it without sounding like someone I'd want to hit, but maybe you see what I mean......

If that's not an option at all, I think that as a bare minimum, you both have to realise that you have a real job already, and, as lily says, just as much right to downtime. Unfortunately I seem to spend any of my down time just sleeping, but even that makes a difference to my perspective.

Sounds as if you're kids aren't very small.And it sounds as if you feel you ahve to do absolutely everything in the house yourself. Can you make them responsible for more stuff? Maybe not now, but when you feel a bit more on top of things......If they have to work together to get something done (car washed, beds stripped etc) so they can then get a treat (I know, bribery is not allowed), they might also start to get on better?

Anyway, that's for later............

Sorry, maybe you just want to vent, and I'm being too practical.......

PS It's horrid that your MIL only wants to take the older two, but surely work with it for hte moment, it would still make a huge difference to your workload for a day or so? How old are you kids?

i sometimes think i would like to go to work. but ideally i want to train to become a midwife. The kids ages range between 1 and 8. I would like to be able to drive but I have problems with panic attacks and it makes it hard. They thought of driving scares me.

Why don't you see about training as a midwife. Have you done the nursing bit yet? You do get paid while you train don't you? Not sure how easy it is to get onto though.

Anyone know about that?

I understand about the driving. It took me years to get the courage to drive. I can now, also the lessons are expensive so it might not be the right time yet.

If you get panic attacks it's going to take gradual build up of confidence to get yourself out there! Take it in small steps.

I still find it very difficult to drive, and I've had my licence 6 years. I've had one go at hypnotherapy which helped a bit, but really I still do understand. Bizarre coincidence, I started doing the Paul McKenna "I can make you thin" CD and found I was much happier to drive... I wonder if the same motivational techniques would be in the one Lily mentioned?

1-8 yr old children is very tough. You need to talk to you husband about how you both handle your time, they need both of you.

Is there any chance you're feeling a little depressed too? IT would be entirely unstandable. I'm just wondering, with your youngest being so young, saying you get panic attacks. Have you seen your doctor recently. I know everyone is completely different, but I felt overwhelmed, panic attacks, etc etc.. driving problems at their worse, and was given anti-d's and therapy, went back to work v. part time ... and life became so much more managable.
My DS started behaving better too, which made me think that he was being hard to cope with because he sensed how I was, not just because he was a difficult baby. Getting out of the house, even a couple of mornings a week made such a huge difference.

I should try and rewrite that, but am at work and being quick. Hope it makes sense!

Can you get the older ones to one of those school based summer holiday clubs or is it too late?

www.midwifery.org.uk/training.htm

It might be a lot to take on right now, which is why I wondered if a part time something might work better in terms of helping you feel better........ is there anyone who can take the non-school age children for a morning or two a week, you could get a health assistant type job, maybe even in a labour unit/ward, which would give you a great insight into what you might want to do in a year or so?
(Sorry to keep writing, can you tell I'm avoiding work?!)