I’m struggling with my moods at the moment. My tolerance levels for anything are shot and I am permanently exhausted. I don’t feel like I’m being a good mum to my son and I’ve been horrible to be around lately. I feel like every social event is a front I’m putting on and I’m very good at playing the role.
I’m off for Easter at the moment, school holidays, which means my two and a half year old ds is off with me. It’s hard work entertaining a small person and I find soft play and such difficult to cope with on my own. We went yesterday and had fun but my son is in a difficult phase where he just won’t listen if he’s told not to do something! Probably called being two but still it makes life difficult. He’s been really good but the constant nagging for food and juice and complaints and not listening is getting to me. I feel like I’m in a pressure cooker.
My husband is nagging about holidays - we already have a week away booked in August and he seems to think it’s like it was when we could book last minute and leave. We have a toddler and I can’t save like I used to on account of having a loan and a mortgage nowadays. I find it hard to save and so if we were to book we need more time in advance. He calls it “not being allowed” to book one but it’s like he is so fixated on it he doesn’t listen. Most families manage on one a year - why can’t we!! We went away last year and I hated it - ds hated it. We were in a hotel that would have been perfect for the two of us - it was not family friendly. Ds was awake till 11pm and then awake at 7 and was a grumpy tired little bugger all week. I cried when we got back - I didn’t relax at all!!
I never get any time off unless I’m at work and that doesn’t count! I’m either at work or with ds. I very rarely get time away from him- and it’s not like I want loads but some would be lovely. A couple of hours alone would be great - but it doesn’t happen. DH gets home at about six and ds goes to bed at seven - when I usually then have dinner to tidy up after...
I don’t stop. My anxiety is through the roof and I need some help. I feel like I need some support or someone to just vent to. I don’t know what they can do but I need something. I almost dread school holidays as ds is home with me and I just get so nervous about his moods or whether he’ll nap....
Anyway I don’t know where I was going with this but I needed to get it down. I’m struggling and I need to get help.