cptsd with ocd...disappointed with therapy

[anicename]

Hi, I am really struggling, so please be kind to me.

I have had 3 sessions with a therapist with 25+ years of work in trauma in NHS.
I have c-ptsd, verbal abuse, childhood trauma with alcoholic parent, other parent being dependant, living in a joint family (Indian)with controlling grand parents, glass of water thrown on my face for having a different opinion, hand, legs tied and chillies shoved in my mouth, not allowed to go out and play, a lot of shaming for occasionally failing very high expectations of my grandparents ( despite having a violent atmosphere and basic needs being neglected, to excel in every subject, every class). Other times same family except father was caring.
I suppressed my memories for many years. Now I am 39. I am classic people pleaser and go out of way to help people while ignoring my needs, etc.
My relationships are not working. I am not assertive. I am unemployed despite having multiple degrees. Recently, experiencing OCD and depression.

Now coming to my therapy - I felt my therapist is not sensitive when I tell her about traumatic incidents. Listen to my painful memories with a big smile. Uses jargons to describe my situation - I have a 'victim mentality' / drama triangle with no suggestions on how to work on that. I am not denying her assessment but I feel she could be a little sensitive considering we have just started seeing and I am very depressed. She is very enthusiastic about ACT (acceptance & commitment therapy). Has sent me several ACT articles, video clips about observing illogical thoughts. But in sessions, stays silent mostly, makes one line comments or uses psychological labels to describe me or my experience, is a bit dismissive. I grew up in a very critical family. She mentioned sometimes people criticise as a way of motivating. I have a close family member who behaves in disrespectful way each time we meet e.g. comments on the way I eat, makes fun of me, etc. on regular basis. Recently she sent me a gift which was v frustrating. I asked therapist how to assert myself. My therapist asked if I didn't think gift giving might be out of kindness.

I asked help for traumatic memories. She asked me to watch thoughts come and go.In last session, I told her I tried what she suggested but I still got very overwhelmed. Her response was I can ask gp for medication. Also, while I was telling her about a recent incident with family, she looked very bored. I asked her if I was talking a lot, she said 'oh no I was trying to see my notes'. I would have preferred her to gently tell me if she thought what I was talking about was not helpful.

I sent her a message telling I find labelling of all thoughts including real memories dismissive. She suggested that I try another therapist.

She sent me a message if I still want to continue, she can send me video clips on ACT.

I am very confused. I don't know how a helpful therapist should be. Am I the one overthinking? I am very instinctive and empathetic type of person, can pick up on non-verbal cues but on the other hand she has 20 years of experience and I am the one who has to change to lead a better life.

Should I see another therapist or stick with her? I have limited money for therapy sessions. Thanks for listening.

How long did you wait to be seen? You can ask to be reassigned but you may go back to the bottom of the waiting list. Sorry to hear that you've not got along well with your therapist. It sounds like her approach and style don't suit you which is not necessarily your fault or hers, just a mismatch.
Sounds like you've had an awful time. Well done for being brave enough to ask for help and talk about it - don't give up now.

I would go for another therapist. She doesn't sound great but even if she was she isn't working for you. Ask to see someone else. If you have PTSD have you looked into EMDR?

A key part of therapy is the relationship between client and therapist. It is really important for having a good outcome overall. Therapy is often quite painful but you should feel that your therapist is supporting you through the process. I would try again with someone else.

You poor love, it really sounds like this therapist is not attuned to the delicate cultural issues. PPs are correct, the therapist-client bond is crucial. Please find someone else. Could you afford to see someone privately? I do know therapists who work exclusively within Asian culture with alk sorts of difficult dynamics. You’ve been through so much, you poor thing. Very well done for being brave. I was just reading this on cPTSD and found the later info on how to find a therapist who deals with trauma, very helpful:
www.depressionalliance.org/cptsd/

Very best of luck, OP.

It sounds as though she isn’t the right therapist for you- it’s important there is a trusting and supportive relationship. From what you say it doesn’t seem that it is?. If it’s nhs I would discuss with her about alternate options in the service. ACT is often used for OCD and can be helpful, but from what you describe it sounds the main issue is your traumatic experiences? In which case an alternative therapy model such as NET (narrative exposure therapy), CBT for trauma, or psychotherapy may be more appropriate,

Actually I just re-read something. She gave you a gift? Highly inappropriate. The silences can be normal for some forms of counselling.

I agree with previous posters - EMDR is the way forwards, maybe some CBT and for the OCD, maybe an SSRI antidepressant. But I hope you have some answers now about your therapist.

If it's private, just find another therapist. I've tried many before I found one that suited me. It's absolutely no failing on your part - she might be a great and experienced therapist but she's not for you

Thanks so much to everyone for your response. I am really grateful to you for your kind words.
Thanks for the link about cptsd Justrestingfornow I have read about EMDR, will try to find a therapist who uses this technique.

I am sorry I was not very clear in my post -
My therapist has 25 years experience in NHS and recently in private too. I am seeing her using dh's company insurance.

I have spent a lot of time researching about different therapies and have read a lot of good stuff about Cognitive analytical therapy and EMDR. I will look for someone who combines different techniques.
All your posts were very supportive and help me clear my mind. Many many thanks for your kindness.

I've got complex PTSD, I've had lots of therapy, it didn't work. The only thing that worked was coming to terms with what happened to me, accepting that I couldn't change what happened (rape) & it wasn't my fault. It took a long time but eventually the flashbacks reduced, the panic attacks & nightmares stopped.

Hi OP, I am really sorry to hear about your experiences. I had therapy once and the therapist (in training) was I felt academising everything. Another time after a life trauma I had it I felt she was chucking every bit of paper and homework at me and got frustrated I couldn't keep up. The first one I was paying for and I made the decision to end it - incredibly empowering to do that. I actually told her in a session I felt she was cold (and she said, which she probably shouldn't have but it would not have changed my decision to end, that some have said that!). The second one (nhs) I stuck with the course but it did not achieve anything. The problem is pot luck with the therapist- fit is everything. I recently saw a third one who was warm, empathetic, acknowledged what I said, I actually made one big positive change in my life as a result. Sadly it was nhs so time limited but I am now looking for a good private therapist to continue. Good luck

Thanks for your post SelfcareSteps My therapist is very academic too with no flexibility.
I had found her after a long, tedious research, and calling so many therapists. I have to restart that process.
I am glad you finally found a good therapist, and made positive changes.

Sorry to hear about your experience Nat Have you tried EMDR?