I just joined as I’ve read various articles over time. On looking through current topics I saw something along the lines of “I lie to my doctor about suicide thoughts”. I hadn’t had my email confirmation so re did that but then I couldn’t find the topic.
So to anyone struggling with mental health issues, confidence, morale, post birth depression, whatever it is. TALK TO SOMEONE, my husband has always had a short fuse and goes over the top over silly things. This would be a pattern at least once a year, a pattern I didn’t understand. It was his pressure release valve but they only work temporarily.
It’s been just us two for many many years and I know him but this I couldn’t figure out. Until my mother became seriously ill and I spent 5 out of 7 days/nights away for 4 months. He got further and further away and seemed cold to my mothers position and my worries.
Then one morning after I came home, following Mum’s recovery, he told me we needed to talk. Wow I though but was never prepared for the two hourlong tale of his childhood in military boarding school where he was brutally raped for 2 years from ages of 10 until 12.
He collapsed after and I immediately got hold of GP he gave him some meds said he’d find a solution as I wanted a Psyclogist not a psychiatrist. Weeks went by when I could leave him for 5 minutes I would research and contact clinics everywhere but PTSD for this has no specialty centre I was recommended to talk to a veterans clinic as those poor people suffer after a tour and it was a similar type of situation, Authority etc.,
Now the damn had broken so was he. Curled in a ball on the bed all day, crying, clinging, it was the scariest time of my life until then. Until after a few weeks when I knew he was going to do it he was in a place where he found no way out from the anguish he was feeling and I demanded that the GP get a placement. I dragged my poor crumbling husband through a GP surgery but I had no choice. I was insistent he go somewhere and get help NOW. All he ever said to me for weeks before was about killing himself or the abuse and kept saying that only I kept him going and I told him that I believed he needed to want to live, it’s not about me. After Gp visit that day we went home and waited for the call it took only 45 minutes, pays to get tough and I drove him many miles to an assssment where he talked to a psychologist for hours then finally I drove many more miles to an NHS facility.
Leaving him there WAS the scariest and worst time of my life. I felt useless as though I betrayed him and cried the whole drive home.
However, he is well now. It’s a year since it happened. 3 weeks in the facility and I went in every other day, don’t leave anyone without that contact it’s vital. We talked to psychologists together and separately then he came home with me as they felt I understood him better than anyone, this once rather arrogant man would look to me for everything.
A year in and Now we are even working on plans to extend the house. He wants to be here he wants to plan. He has bad days and who can blame him but I leave him to think alone for however long I think is required then jolly him along with something about Brexit or other idiocy and he gets on his high horse and he is back ranting with me about the politicians inability to listen.
Why am I telling you this..because there is help out there, if you are thinking of suicide get a friend, loved one, GP anyone on your side and let them fight for a short term place for you. Sign in “voluntarily" they don’t want to keep you forever it’s not what those places are for it’s to give you space to let it all out. You might not even need that, my babe did but you need to do something. Don’t, please don’t kill yourself there is light. My husband found it thank heaven and so will you. Be honest and tell someone! I send anyone feeling this way all the positive energy I can. You are not alone.