Anxiety Again

[anitagreen]

I'm really at my wits end now I was doing so well a bit of back story I suffered badly for 9 months day in day out every day from May last year to January this year daily panic attacks,
bad intrusive thoughts that crippled my life etc and I beat it slowly I was able to start being happy again not worrying as much and

I began cbt around 4 weeks ago first two sessions was great now it's quite stagnant I'm not enjoying it to be honest I'm learning the same stuff I've self taught myself.
It does help doing the techniques etc but now here I am I've been bad for 2 weeks and I'm so scared again, I'm scared I'm mentally ill, I'm scared of what if I don't want to get better and that's why it's not working? I'm scared that I can't be helped,

I'm scared that I'll be like this forever, I feel so sorry for myself that I have this anxiety. And yet two weeks ago I felt amazing really happy and had been happy for about 2 months, I know set backs are normal but come on what more can I do?.

I do my worry time at 9pm for half hour
I take vitamins and 5HTP to combat low mood that's new to me, I just don't know what else to do I'm tired of fighting now I'm not depressed I'm just fed up and scared sorry this post is so long.
What more can I do? It always seems bad around my period and during and a little after the period some days I can feel the anxiety and mood lifting then it pops back in like bam in my head and chest and I just want to run away out of my head

You are literally describing me 8 years ago. Except mine was for 12 months instead of 9. And I worked out after a while that my period was causing major relapses so I decided to go on cerazette pill where you don't get a period at all and it has worked wonders for me. Don't get me wrong that wasn't the only problem as I also did self help and had CBT too but the PMS was causing way too many relapses. My psychiatrist told me that your mind is like a garden, if you tend to it it will blossom but if you ignore it it will start to over grow again and fill up with weeds. So basically just because you feel better you cannot abandon your mental health, you need to always work on you. Keep doing your worry time and try mediation or chanting (many YouTube videos to help with this). Stop worrying that you are mentally ill, you do have mental health problems which you've acknowledged but you're not "insane" if that's what you mean. I hope this helped in some way.

Sorry I meant meditation* typo