Going from one embarrassing crisis to the next

[Mentalray]

Name changed because ashamed of myself.

Everything I try seems to go wrong for me.

I am expecting one of these days there will be a video of me acting mental posted on the internet and everyone will talk about the crazy lady.

I actually went mental at someone in public once and it was like I was not even in my own body (think an incident like someone letting their dog crap on your property or something, then me going over the top mental).

Joined a meetup group, can't keep up with the activity = get visibly upset and can't go back.

Start going to a job, they change the placement on me despite knowing my circumstances with regard to childcare, end up weeping in the washroom in front of other staff and saying something in anger which makes me look really bad. I am constantly worried the comment I made will get me fired and cannot believe my own stupidity.

Had a nervous breakdown in front of neighbors, they think I am cuckoo.

I lurch from one crisis to the next in my life and always seem to get too emotional and really embarrass myself in front of others.

It's never ending.

I have a very stressful life (I have posted many times on the special needs children board, lone parents board under different name) and have no support in real life (please don't tell me join meetup, etc, I have done that ).

I have been diagnosed by two different professionals with complex and 'normal' PTSD.

When people ask what support I have, like when I am dealing with my DCs needs or say I am going through divorce and I say not much, they don't offer any help. they just say nothing. no one ever expects you to say you could use support.

So whenever things happen I tend to over-react or get emotional. I burn my bridges. I act weird. I don't feel like I have control over my life.

And it's happened again. And again. And again. At least 3 jobs had this and the current.

I don't understand why nothing ever can just go normally for me.

I frequently have random people asking me what's wrong. Clearly I look distressed half the time.

I am going to lose my position because of this.

The worse things become the more these things seem to happen.

I don't know what to do anymore. Been on and off medication, have terrible side effects or wan to sleep all the time. I am too embarrassed to see my GP again.

I have really, really fucked something up to wreck my reputation once again. everything I do turns out wrong.

I am tired of re-trying again and again

Hey OP, I really feel for your situation, it does sound like you have no support. You are doing remarkably well.

I appreciate you may not want to post what you said, but I do not think one angry comment will get you the sack.

Sorry you are feeling like this op I came on her to post something similar. Just fed up of going from one disaster to the next. I to am probably going lose my job as i am off sick again and I am on probation so frantically trying to get another but been turned down for 3 already. Hope you feel brighter soon

alfiemoon nobody thank you

Sorry you aren’t feeling any brighter hopefully someone with some wise words or encouraging advice will be along soon as I am feeling really low tonight one thing after another and now I’ve fucked up my job by being poorly off with a sick note not mental health related either pfft

Just wanted to say, I know how you feel.
I am in a similar position.
I finally went to the doctors this week after a particularly embarrassing bout of crying at my kids’ school and just the act of going has already made me feel a bit better. Like I am in control more.
The other thing I learnt on a mindfulness course is that emotions are like clouds passing over your mind. They do not need to encompass you. I am still working on this but I find it a helpful concept.
I hope this helps you somewhat.
Hugs 🤗

From your post it sounds as though your children have special needs. Is there a chance you also have those conditions, albeit undiagnosed - it might explain why you are struggling so much.

probably cailleach but diagnosis wouldn't help me.

likely asd because I don't know what to do socially when more complex situations occur. I am fine with being polite, having conversations, get along with ppl, but when I get bullied I am too weak or if too much stress I can't handle it. at the same time I have more stress and less support than most people, so I don't know...

If I hadn't had such a hard upbringing then the stress of my dc challenges (which are a lot) and some actual family to help maybe I wouldn't be this way.

I often think most ppl would have done themselves in in my shoes.

how do you stop acting like a freak when shit keeps happening to you, that is not even your fault most of the time

This sounds like me OP! I'm also seeking a diagnosis. I go from one disaster to another. I've learnt how to act so I hold down an ok job etc. But it is an act I'm realising. I'm also not assertive.

Hi OP, you sound like me and I can really empathise with your struggle.

I'm NOT saying this is the same for you, but just my experience- a few years ago I was diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and although I was devastated at the time, I'm glad now. It gave me a name for what was wrong with me and why I feel such extreme emotions. It also meant I could access the right support which for me was DBT, which has helped me so much.

Go see your GP. Ask to see a psychiatrist. Ask for CBT or DBT. Ask for help xx