Adult autism diagnosis

[jetadore]

DH thinks he has autism, he’s self-diagnosed himself at the high functioning end of the spectrum. He has come to this conclusion through self-refection and online research. FWIW I think he is correct. He also thinks he has social anxiety, and ADD (attention deficit disorder (but not ADHD)).

He’s nearly 40 now and says the symptoms of these conditions makes sense and have affected him his whole life. He has always been able to hold down a job but he really struggles with time management, deadlines, communication, prioritising multiple tasks, etc. Currently he’s going through a bit of a crisis as he’s struggling with a couple of projects he’s supposed to be managing where these issues are coming to the fore. His colleagues are getting riled and his boss is making comments about his lack of productivity and progress. This leads him into a downward spiral into depression and anxiety. He’s actively looking for a new job.

He’s not sure whether to try to get a medical diagnosis, at this stage in his life. He’s not sure there’s anything really meaningful available from the NHS on this, he’s not at all keen on taking medication (e.g. anti-depressants, Adderall), and can’t really afford to go privately to a – what - psychiatrist? He can function fairly well most of the time and thinks maybe just self-awareness and self-education of these conditions will be enough to manage them better going forward, and make better choices career-wise?

Additionally he says our dd(8) reminds him of himself as a child - easily distracted, easily bored, cant stay on task, daydreamer – and think she may have the same conditions and he wants to be able to help her not struggle in the way he has.
Does anyone have any experience or advice on this?

Diagnosis for DD is probably more of a priority if she struggles? He may decide to follow suit.

No one can force you to take meds. FWIW I've only heard positive things from people who have got diagnosis.

Also I would say its easy to self diagnose during stress, then things get better and problems recede. A diagnosis might give impetus to have strategies. CBT is probably the most helpful thing.

I got my diagnosis at 38. It's made a huge difference to my life.

If your DH is having difficulties at work it could help him as his employer would have to take his diagnosis into account. I look back at the time when I was working and am pretty sure a lot of what I endured from managers wouldn't have happened if I'd had a formal diagnosis back then.

Thanks, I showed the replies to dh, he said one thing that makes him reluctant to even get a diagnosis is that he doesn't want/expect his employer to accommodate him, he'd rather find a job that suits him better and the employer deserves someone who can actually do the job. He feels guilty and feels it would be difficult for him confront to his boss about it (more due to dh anxiety his boss is a nice guy). I get the impression he's a bit scared to try to change his ways because of his fear or failure.

It can take up to a year or two for a diagnosis on NHS I think. I wouldn't tell an employer without an official diagnosis. It would then be covered under the Equality and Discrimination Act. I have read it is common for people with ADD to think they are at fault, when its actually expectations (from themselves or others) that no human could achieve! Proactive conversations about what can do by when, what needs to be done later etc.

Thanks Fundraiser2019. We think a diagnosis for him is not going to be worth it. We will focus on dd. He is totally not proactive or able to open up to colleagues if he's struggling with something. I think his aim is to do more research to better understand himself and manage it through CBT/mindfulness, while trying to find a job that gets the best out of him.