Depression. Nothing’s working.

[AsMuchUseAsAMarzipanDildo]

I’m not sure what I’m asking really. I guess, does this ever get better?

I’ve had horrific depression for years now and it’s just not getting better. I find it so isolating - even my DH seems to think it’s a bit of negative thinking, feeling a bit sad. He still doesn’t seem to understand how it slows my thinking, movement, speech, makes my writing illegible and ordering my thoughts impossible. I tried to cook a meal for the first time in a week, I’ve made it a thousand times and couldn’t bloody remember what went in it. It took me several minutes to remember the word for cucumber. I slur my words. I struggle to hold a pen.

I’m about to lose the job (vocation) which I have loved, felt so proud to do and felt I would still be doing for another 25 years. Now I just can’t think quickly enough or juggle conflicting demands without feeling confused and panicked. Then I add in all the financial hardship and loss of self-esteem that goes along with losing a job.

I’ve been on every SSRI and mirtazapine. I still feel like this. I’ve done CBT, had a Recovery Worker. I still feel like this. It’s literally a fog. I’ve fought it for so long and just can’t see any way of ever getting better.

Sorry for the misery thread. I feel so alone. Has anyone been this deep in depression and got better????

Depression affects my cognitive functions in the way you describe. For me that is far worse than any 'sadness' or tearfulness. I've had most success on tricyclics - lofepramine and more recently nortriptyline Both prescribed by my psychiatrist and I see her privately but it is worth it. My GP does the prescribing of the drug now. My brain works again fairly well.
Have you seen a psychiatrist? Have you tried tricyclics?

It's a bit depressing (lol) how people think depression is about feeling sad. I'm not sad, I'm very tired and can't get my shit together without headmeds. OP hope you find something that helps.?

In addition to the above, have you tried newer drugs such as agomelatine, bupropion and vortioxetine?

Have you been properly assessed, looking at your life history and also your social and cognitive difficulties? Whilst a different diagnosis might not provide an alternative treatment, it might give you a better understanding of your condition.

(I'm not suggesting you don't have depression, but that it could be symptomatic of another condition.)

Thank you all for responding. Tomtontom I’m having blood tests and an ECG next week to rule out anything underlying. I watched (or tried to follow) a programme about Parkinson’s a few weeks ago and think I made myself slightly paranoid about this all being due to some other neurological problem. Although logically I know this current episode started in pregnancy over 2 years ago. I just can’t get better.

volluto My Recovery Worker said she would refer me to a Psychiatrist for a med review (twice) but it never happened and this bloody illness makes me so rubbish at asserting myself. Thankfully once my GP has my ECG and blood results, she is going to try a different class of ADs - likely venlafaxine. If that doesn’t help, then I’m going to have to get my shit together and push for a psychiatrist referral. Good to know that you’ve had a good experience with tricyclics. I really feel it’s more of a dopamine than a serotonin thing. It’s not feeling sad, it’s feeling slow and numb.

Thanks too serialtester. It’s so nice to hear from people who “get it”.

I also have treatment resistant depression and have had most success with Tricyclics. They are definitely worth a try. They have side effects, the dry mouth is a killer but they are so worth the effort.

Can I ask how old you are? Could be hormonal. Peri menopause. I've long suffered with depression and anxiety but when. I hit peri, it was like nothing worked. Then I went on HRT and it diminished by about 80%

thesnap thank you, that’s good to know.

toucantoo I’m 37, had DD 2 years ago after IVF. There’s definitely a hormonal element to it as it came on like switch at 25 weeks, lifted a little from 6 months to 18 months postpartum, then came back with a vengeance when I stopped BF at 18 months. The trouble is I’m terrified of trying any hormonal treatment as I feel they’re what got me in this mess. I also had major (sectioned) depression when I went on the combined pill age 19.

Have you considered ECT? That lifted my depression.

I can't believe you haven't seen a psychiatrist yet 😮 especially given your previous history. You need to see a specialist as this is way beyond what a GP has expertise on! Can you afford an appt yourself? It really could be worth it.

How is your diet? Have you ruled out sensitivities? I found the cycle diet helped. Also taking a high strength probiotic helps (Lamberts) a lot with depression, along with Vitamin D.

volluto I know, it’s rubbish for my GP who I think is genuinely trying her best to get me better. The secondary services here just seem to delegate it all to “recovery workers” who I’m sure are all overloaded and underfunded too. Mental health services have definitely taken a nosedive since I needed them 15+ years ago.

Fundayfriday thanks I will definitely take a look at the cycle diet. I’ve tried taking Starflower oil, high dose vitamin d and Agnus castus - to no effect. I even tried some progesterone cream in desperation but it seemed to make pmt worse (or maybe that was coincidence).

Just waiting on bloods and ecg this week, hopefully a medication change will then help....

I could have written your post! Everything you said resonates with me, the cognitive issues and the brain fog , the loss of self esteem. I have extremely treatment resistant depression and my psychiatrist has been working with me for several months to find a combination that works. Just started on olanzapine at night to go along with my duloxetine in the morning and so far doing better on it than quetiapine. It's horrible because you feel like a guinea pig trying all these different meds but it's all about trial and error with depression as everyone is unique. You need to push for that referral to the psychiatrist.

Hi all, sorry to resurrect this but wanted to thank you for your support. I started on venlafaxine and mirtazapine a couple of months ago and am starting to see some light in the tunnel. Thank you again.

That's brilliant news!

Medication, in spite of its symptoms, is absolutely a valuable apparatus in treating misery, in any event as a feature of a more extensive procedure that incorporates depression counselling. Nonetheless, there is no drug that can totally keep despondency from reoccurring, so this ought to be a momentary measure that supports different moves you make. On the off chance that you are taking medicine, it is significant that you adhere to your prescriber's directions to take the prescription routinely and for a timeframe. Most energizer meds take half a month to indicate adequacy.