How can I help my brother b4 it's to late

[chl0e123]

Really looking for help and advice for my brother, who has shown no hope to live, he is 18 but left in the school system without help, he was diagnosed Autism late, says what's the point in living, stays inside and plays games all day, severely overweight, our mum is bipolar along with other mental health, she won't listen, talks for him etc an doesn't help him, he panics when pl next to him an freezes, what can I do to help him Iv tried asking him to come cinema etc he's isolated himself to house I'm so sad for him 😔 honestly we arranged a weekend holiday an he wanted to stay behind an my mum is like ok! It's not ok he needs help she is 61 now and protects him, speaks for him, and I Cnt help but think she's ruining his future by not allowing him to b himself. What happens when she not here anymore 🙈

If he expresses genuine suicidal intent you need to call an ambulance for him. It sounds like he needs counselling and an immediate mental health assessment and the fastest way to get those things is by highlighting that it could be an emergency.

It also sounds like it might be worth a social services referral if he's struggling and his mum is a factor. I appreciate that he's 18 but with mental health issues and autism he might be considered vulnerable.

Is he seeing a doctor about his mental health problems? If not, if you can afford private mental health services then you can get an appointment with a GP and ask them for a private referral - faster than going through the NHS usually (in our area - the Midlands - the initial consult is around £250 and each counselling session is around £70).

More generally, if he isn't interested in the cinema then meet him on his level - spend time with him in the house talking about things he likes. Learn what games he's playing right now, buy/download one of the games, and ask him to add you on voice chat and help you out with it. You can form a bond with him doing something he enjoys.

If he doesn't attend any gaming events you might want to get him to consider signing up for an event like Insomnia, the annual gaming festival, depending on how limiting his ASD is (maybe you could go with him if he'd like that?) Those kind of events are great for people who spend a lot of time gaming to meet up with online friends or meet 'real life' friends and socialise.

I had a family member in very similar circumstances and their life turned around when they found a technical/trade job. Maybe help talk to your brother about what kind of vocational work he might find meaningful, or if there are any courses he might enjoy. At 18 he's still eligible for funded education. If he's into gaming he may enjoy computing/coding courses for example.

Google to see what local services there are for young adults with autism. (Support groups, clubs, NHS clinics or charities at the local level.)

Once you're armed with that information, talk to him about them and try to get him to engage with one. It might be easier if you can put a concrete proposition to him.

Thank you so much for the reply, he isn't suicidal but just says things like what's the point in life, maybe he a bit depressed, I have already got an Educational health care plan in progress at the moment, which I think he should of had a long time ago, he does a gardening course at a special needs college but they are also struggling to get him to communicate and socialise, they put him in a group with another boy and wouldn't even talk to him, he just puts his head phones on and goes in his own world, it's quite sad, I won't give up anyway and will continue to encourage my mum to encourage him, he plays online games with my son they have a good bond, and he talks better to him than anyone, hopefully the EHCP will help and experts will be involved.

I think the social services may be a good help should things not improve I could have a chat with them to see how or what they can offer to support my mum an my brother also. Thanks

chlOe - it is really good that your brother is doing the gardening course as fresh air and nature will be beneficial, even if he hates the socialising bit - perhaps that is not so important at the moment, but the confidence that comes from doing tasks and getting out of the house might be first step to socialising later on.

Also, I am on the boards of Mumsnet a lot reminding people that Vitamin D deficiency is quite common in teenagers who game a lot, or don't get out in the summer months for whatever reason (the only time your body can make vitamin d from the sunshine, it is not generally available in a normal diet, unless you supplement quite carefully) Could you get your brother to take a multi vitamin designed for teenage boys (there is one out there) or failing that, at least a 20,000 iu supplement ONCE a month (you can buy this from good pharmacies) it might really perk him up. I have a son with dyspraxia and a son with autism and we overlooked this particular issue until son was depressed and we found that he had a deficiency. He should have a blood test if you can bear to organise it, and find out if he has any deficiencies, being overweight wont help either on the vitamin front, for some reason it is more likely to be deficient in some vitamins if you are overweight. My son's levels were 25 and they should have been 70-100. Please get him to the GP for blood test, it is really worth checking.

son with deficiency was very lethargic and irritable , unable to bother much, quite low...doing A levels at the time. Now at university, really enjoying socialising and life in general (although still not that academic or organised) vitamin d helped his motivation a lot, and the more you do the better you feel, it is an incremental thing, but small steps at first.

Son was also quite overweight, and now dramatically thinner due being occupied with his hobbies (singing) exercise and walking everywhere at uni, no formal sport or gym, literally just walking around and eating only when hungry rather than when bored, because his day is now filled with activities. Whereas before at 17-18 he used to eat for comfort/chewing things etc. I would never have believed the change in him in the last year. Waist gone from 38-32, now aged 19, having been podgy all his teenage years, and unsporty, uncoordinated.

I'm not quite as protective as your mum is obviously being, but it is easy to baby someone with SNs (ds1 has dyspraxia not autism, and I'm trying hard not to baby the second one who has autism but is quite independent) I did use to try and comfort ds1 with nice meals and looking after him often took the form of protecting him from resilience building activities. It is a fine balance, but I will say that I have completely supported him to leave home and go into supported housing (uni, self catered!) and make some choices that weren't necessarily going to work out perfectly. Sometimes you have to be brave at letting them try things that they aren't going to be that good at, and reassure them that it is still worth trying and failing, and build on that. So a trip to the cinema that ends in the lobby buying an icecream and going home, is still better than not even getting as far as the lobby. Sometimes you have to build up the tolerance of these experiences. I look back at some of the things that ds point blank refused to do (expensive tickets to the theatre) and I did make it worse by getting upset, whereas dh was better at fighting the right battles, and taking him to a theatre show that he definitely found less frightening..and then build on that.