Good morning,
You probably think, oh here s another one. Or maybe you are reading because if feel the same (hopefully), but please don't advice me to go gym, read a book or go to a spa, it really is overrated.
So this is just to understand if other women or men are in my same boat, so that I feel less isolated.
I am 32, mum if a 16 month girl, we had a hard past year because she seems very prone to illness (allergy, cold, bronchitis, rashes, sleepless nights), I live far from my family but close to my partner's.
So overall I don't have grandparents at home to help, nor do I have a real mummy friend or any other friend.
I garduated in 2016 doing what I realized too late I love, searched and searched for a job but disillusioned i couldn't find anything. I started feeling I would be stuck for life in retail, which is unfortunately where I am now. I fell pregnant in 2017. I desperately tried to secure another job before I gave birth, and because I didn't I had to resign due to stress and anxiety, working in retail for a fresh graduate is like an instant killer.
I was actually very happy to have a child, but as soon as I gave birth, I couldn't feel that joy that many mothers do.
16 months on and anxiety took over me, also I had to get my old job back because I was going crazy being at home, and that was my only job option. Luckily they took me back. But I live in a limbo. I am profoundly stressed about my life, I hate my job and I don't enjoy my time with my daughter. I constantly think when she is going to wake up, will she eat this ttime., Should I do anything to entertain her, but I end up staying at home because she is always sick with cough or cold. I have given up looking for any type of career job, I don't even know where I should be looking. I feel empty, like detached so that I can keep on going. I cry every day. I don't care for myself, I lost all my hair and I hav brain fog very often. I cannot even read a book. I spend the time in between my daughter's naps surfing YouTube for stupid videos. When I should do something for me, but I feel blocked like totally empty. I have a partner and I adore my child. But I feel like I am looking at my life going by and I m stuck I can't do anything like paralitic. I don't appreciate anything I have. I hate my life. But I know I have a wonderful family, I just feel very confused.
I have been seen for depression in the past and unfortunately I haven't found benefits in it.