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First time mum lost, disconnected, hopeless

1 reply

Lallipop · 02/04/2019 11:15

Good morning,

You probably think, oh here s another one. Or maybe you are reading because if feel the same (hopefully), but please don't advice me to go gym, read a book or go to a spa, it really is overrated.
So this is just to understand if other women or men are in my same boat, so that I feel less isolated.

I am 32, mum if a 16 month girl, we had a hard past year because she seems very prone to illness (allergy, cold, bronchitis, rashes, sleepless nights), I live far from my family but close to my partner's.
So overall I don't have grandparents at home to help, nor do I have a real mummy friend or any other friend.
I garduated in 2016 doing what I realized too late I love, searched and searched for a job but disillusioned i couldn't find anything. I started feeling I would be stuck for life in retail, which is unfortunately where I am now. I fell pregnant in 2017. I desperately tried to secure another job before I gave birth, and because I didn't I had to resign due to stress and anxiety, working in retail for a fresh graduate is like an instant killer.
I was actually very happy to have a child, but as soon as I gave birth, I couldn't feel that joy that many mothers do.
16 months on and anxiety took over me, also I had to get my old job back because I was going crazy being at home, and that was my only job option. Luckily they took me back. But I live in a limbo. I am profoundly stressed about my life, I hate my job and I don't enjoy my time with my daughter. I constantly think when she is going to wake up, will she eat this ttime., Should I do anything to entertain her, but I end up staying at home because she is always sick with cough or cold. I have given up looking for any type of career job, I don't even know where I should be looking. I feel empty, like detached so that I can keep on going. I cry every day. I don't care for myself, I lost all my hair and I hav brain fog very often. I cannot even read a book. I spend the time in between my daughter's naps surfing YouTube for stupid videos. When I should do something for me, but I feel blocked like totally empty. I have a partner and I adore my child. But I feel like I am looking at my life going by and I m stuck I can't do anything like paralitic. I don't appreciate anything I have. I hate my life. But I know I have a wonderful family, I just feel very confused.
I have been seen for depression in the past and unfortunately I haven't found benefits in it.

OP posts:
Itscoldouthere · 02/04/2019 11:31

OP I just wanted to answer you as you sound so sad.
I’m much older my DC are 18/21 so I’m not in the same place as you and didn’t really have your experience, but I can sympathise and try to give you some hope/comfort.
I really understand your disappointment in not having the career than you wanted, I can really see how you come out of uni full of hopes and dreams and then it just doesn’t happen like you hoped it would.
Retail is hard, and I can understand how frustrated you’ve become.
I think you need to try and find more joy in your life with your daughter, staying at home with her all the time will not be doing either of you good.

Can you start taking her to baby groups? Playgroups, singing, baby gym etc places where you meet other mums with similar aged children?
I think this will help your anxiety as you will see what other worry about (or don’t worry about) in a more relaxed environment.
I realise it’s hard if you don’t know anyone or have anyone to go with but it really is worthwhile, other mums will be nice to you, if you keep going you will make fiends and you child will too.
It will make you happier, being either at a job you hate or at home on your own isn’t going to make you happy.

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