Can't cope with 12 yr old and want to leave

[RHud1]

My boy is hard work - resentful, rude, refuses to help or listen to me. After support to deal with violence it's now at the stage EVERY word I saw is wrong, nagging.... I keep trying with rewards or consequences but now think I am the problem - I know I love him but I also hate him. Already on antidepressants and seem to try to have any interaction with him.We r both miserable and my hubby is being made sick trying to manage both of ux, the house, work, etc. I have thinking that maybe it would be easier to leave the family home

I know how you feel because my 12yr old has turned from a super lovely boy to an absolute horror since starting secondary and I have days when I just want to go but...

Underneath the bad behaviour is still that sweet boy who is in overwhelm. Overwhelm from school, hormones, friendship difficulties and parent difficulties. If you go (and I totally understand the impulse) you send a message that he is too much and often children will internalize this as them being inherinantly bad and that’s a very distructive message at a very delicate stage in their development.

Can you try and get some outside help first? Have you spoken to school, GP etc? Could you work on some respite for yourself? A long weekend away, or even a week now and then to decompress? It sounds like you’re in overwhelm too and you need to tackle that before you have a hope of helping him.

My son has aspergers and he had always been a handful but has become more of a handful since move to secondary. School day he is fine just quiet and does not mix of socialise.. Trying to get help for him, but as I say think maybe its actually me that needs help -GP no use so far.

Secondary school is brutal on sensitive children and it’s likely he’s masking at school and then letting all that pressure out at home. It’s hard, but remember you are his safe place even if you feel unable to cope.

Is he under Camhs?