I don't want to do this

[Unconventionalmum]

I love all three of my children but honestly, I don't want to do this anymore. I could just walk out. I'm absolutely exhausted. I've been up since 3 am with my nearly two year old and he's still awake. I won't have a chance to sleep now as the other two have school and I have to get them ready. I have two assignments due in at the end of the week and it's all too much.
I'm so angry all the time, I can't control it. My anger is only ever directed on myself and not towards anyone else, I know I could ease the anger by harming myself but I don't even have the energy to do that.
I'm so tempted to just walk out the door. Get into my car and not come back. I hate this life. I haven't been on my meds for weeks because my cpn is deciding to take forever to get me a med review and my gp won't touch my meds without a psychs approval but the only one suffering by their unwillingness to do this is me and my family.

Sorry you're feeling this way OP. I can definitely relate. I did actually leave my DH and now only have ds half the time but my MH has nosedived and I'm still finding it all too much. I spent Saturday crying whilst ds was downstairs watching TV and because I was the one who left DH is taking twisted pleasure in freezing me out of everything. I'm not sleeping either.

Sorry I wish I had something helpful to say, just wanted to show solidarity really.

Poor you! Who's looking after you?
It sounds like you need a few days off, plus meds and councelling. Do you have a partner who can help get the kids to school? Can you call in sick, just for a day, and have some rest? This will also help with your deadlines ans you will be more efficient if you get some rest.
When times are bad I think of the quote from the wise fish Dory...
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...!

Anyway, be strong, you can do it and seek some help

Hi guys,

My partner is amazing with the kids and my mental health. He id my carer and I couldn't fault him but it's still exhausted. I ended up catching an hour in bed but overslept and kids are late to school.

I know a big part of this is due to not having my meds, it's caused me to become unstable. I feel so trapped as nobody wants to help me.