Help - OCD is ruining my life HANDHOLD please

[feathermucker]

I question people, check on them, want to know what they're up to etc

I have compulsions to act on thoughts and worries in my head that I've upset people or they don't want to be my friend.

A group of friends did something without me, lots of our wider circle weren't invited. I flounce off our WhatsApp group and in the process ruined the night of the girl who's birthday it was.

I've been checking lots on everyone lately

I am on Sertraline and on the waiting list for CBT

NEED tips and a hand hold please.

I have no advice but here if you want to talk

Ruining my life. I'm constantly checking to see what people are up to and what they're doing.

I do it regularly as almost like a ritual.......FB, WhatsApp etc convinced that people are meeting up without me.

They rarely are, yet tonight a group of friends went away for a night for one of them's birthday. I thought just 2 of them were going. There were 5 of them in a picture on WhatsApp that appeared.

I'd been checking on and off all evening to see if anyone else was going. Then the photos appeared.

I was upset, crying, convinced I wasn't good enough.

I left the WhatsApp group.

Wallowed for hours. The birthday girl sent me a message explaining that her evening was marred by me leaving the WhatsApp group.

Turns out there were people closer to her than me who hadn't been invited and it was just a group that happened to plan it. No one knew apart from them. It could only carer for 5.

Everyone else was pleased and happy for our group that they were having fun.

It's made me realise that I need to sort this out. I need to stop the behaviour.

I've sent them a group message on whatsapp apologising but it's hard fir them to understand as it looks like obsessive jealousy and immaturity to them.

Theyve always been good at providing reassurance to me, but the more they do, the worse I get.

It's exhausting and I'm convinced I've lost them all.

I've deactivated Facebook and deleted WhatsApp.

Sorry its long

What do your obsessions and OCD add to your life OP?

So sorry to hear you're struggling OP. Apart from the OCD, how's your self worth? Would you be able to take some time to 'love on' yourself and do some things that make you feel happy?

They add nothing to my life, but is your suggestion that, because they add nothing, that they will just go away?

It's been lifelong and it's become such a habit that I don't know how to function without it.

My self worth is rubbish.

If everything is 'ok' then I am able to practice self care. If there's a stress issue, imagined or otherwise, it's so much harder.

I can't seem to relax and watch a film or read a book without resorting to my checking.

Thank you for replying.

I was wondering if the low self worth was making it all seem so bad. Like... you're doing things on super speed, in panic, which for me is usually when I am having a low self worth moment. Connected to childhood trauma in my case. What is it like for you?

Sometimes, the low self worth causes to OCD to spike and, sometimes, the OCD causes the low self worth to spike.

It's like if something is bothering me, the feeling to say something about it is so intense it's almost painful. So, I say so. Withing, then I worry about what I've said.

It's very much a self fulfilling prophecy.

I want to change. Just so hard when it's habitual.

Does anyone have any thoughts?

I was like this for years OP and it’s dreadul isn’t it! When you’re finding it hard to relax try and remember things that you like to indulge in. Nice candles, books, art, or even just a bubbly bath and face mask! Try and concentrate on your breathing, in through your nose and out through your mouth. It gets easier don’t worry! Try and have a day for yourself if you can. Maybe write down what’s bothering you, then tear the piece of paper up and throw it away. See it as letting those thoughts and problems go. Remember that you aren’t worthless but you’re wonderful and capable of anything

It just all seems so overwhelming when it's at its peak.

It's hard to do the relaxing even though I know it might take the edge off.

It's the obsessive thoughts, the feeling left out etc that comes along with it that's so damn hard.