feeling very lost and don't know where to turn. severely depressed, and thoughts of suicide daily, went to a and e and they said they'd refer to cmht but two weeks later haven't heard anything, just gp for medication change. I've tried therapy, drugs but always end up in the same place. I've tried so hard in life and have nothing to show for anything I've done, mid thirties and no job, partner, home, money. can't put into words how much I hate and am disgusted with myself. a parent took their own life last year and I can't see a way forward for me now. Samaritans always want to get you off the phone as quickly as possible, friends text once in a while but everyone has their own lives and problems. family tell me I'm selfish, not trying hard enough, pull yourself together etc. have been trying to do that for the last 10 years and haven't been able to. I am struggling to see a positive future for myself, know I have to keep going but can't see for what and how when I have no belief in myself or worth. every day is a struggle and I don't know how to change.