I am not quite sure where to start with this. I am really struggling with my children growing up. They are still relatively young – 12, 10 and 5. But I see them slipping away. I know how self indulgent this sounds as every single parent must go through this… But I feel like I can’t bear the pain of watching them distancing themselves from me. I don’t even find the same joy in my 5-year-old that I found in my eldest child when she was the same age as I know what’s coming.
Basically I feel so very sad experiencing this that I don’t really want to be alive anymore. Not really suicidal, just very very sad and low. I cry any time I allow myself to. That can’t be right? Or does everyone feel this way and just hide it better – be less maudlin – just get on with it. I do have a fair amount of stress in my life at the moment – we are living overseas and DH and I have quite different ideas about whether to stay or return to the UK. My career has suffered through being overseas, I’m clinging on by my fingertips at the moment. But I’m working remotely so don’t get much from my job. I am also beginning the menopause process so I expect have a lot of hormones flying around.
But I need to do something to address what’s going on in my head. I cannot stop these intrusive thoughts about stopping time and not coping with the kids growing up. I am spoiling the time that I do have with them.
What should I do – do I go to the doctor? Do I try and get a grip of myself? Does every mother feel this way and does it get better?
Any thoughts really appreciated, thank you