Any advice greatly appreciated relating to this difficult situation!!!

[Bellacat16]

I was involved in a near fatal car accident six weeks ago along with my fiancé while we were on holiday. The accident was caused by another driver who lost complete control of his vehicle and hit us straight on at about 90 mph.

My fiancé and I sustained life threatening injuries initially, and although he was injured I had very severe internal injuries which are still ongoing now from the trauma of wearing a seatbelt, which I hasten to add did save my life!

I have also been left with fairly severe neurological damage to my leg and arm and require surgery on my abdomen as soon as my body can cope with it.

I am home but am having to have adaptations and use equipment to try and function as normally as possible which is very frustrating.

I can’t help but feel angry all the time, I can’t stop crying, I hear the noise of the accident and even smell the accident and hear the voices of the people who tried to help, I watch the accident happen over and over again !! I am a health professional myself and gather these symptoms are true of PTSD.

I am now doubting everything and everyone around me, I have no interest in anything apart from wanting to spend money and buy items I can’t even use at the moment.

I am also angry at my partner as I don’t think he understands me, his injuries were not as severe as mine and he is recovering well, he believes I should be happy, I survived and as much as I know this is true I can’t feel like that at the moment, I am just very focused on my inability to function normally, my concern about my financial status, going from working to zero without sick pay.... I can’t talk to him about it as he feels I’m totally consumed with my injuries and illness and that I’m being very ungrateful !!

I hasten to add that during this stressful period my partner was so stressed and worried and alone with me when I was seriously ill that he turned on my family, which has now caused a huge divide, something which is tearing me apart too!!

I feel my life is falling apart in front of my eyes !!! Please help ... any advice greatly appreciated xx

Hi OP, I am so sorry to hear what you have been through, how terrifying that must have been. I am so sorry you have sustained those injuries, I can't imagine what that must be like. Thank goodness you both survived.

In no way comparable, but I had a life changing event which resulted in hospital admission and surgery.

It's shit. Let's just get that out there. No one can tell you to put a positive spin on it (although you are doing a very good job!).

Everyone copes differently. It is a long process but it does get better.

It's important to keep talking and expressing your feelings. Trauma creates chemicals that make you want to reach out to others (oxytocin). I am wondering if anyone on here has been through similar and can share how they felt and coped. Are there any charities that support road crash victims that you can reach out to? Have the doctors been able to tell you how it will affect you long term? Are you entitled to compensation? Are family able to help out financially? Do you have enough immediate support at home?

Put your needs first and tell your family what you need right now. I know it is hard when you feel vulnerable but call them in and give them specific tasks! You need to let everything stop for a while and focus on you and your recovery.

I have all sorts of things I decided I needed to buy during my recovery

Mindfulness, being creative, life affirming books, films, sleep, small recovery related goals. Don't try and make big plans at the moment .

OP it's so soon and you're doing so well. I have no advice, just wanted to say I admire your determination and bravery.

I'm assuming you are having counselling? If not, please arrange it when you are able to attend. It will give you so many coping tools.

Oh god how awful for you both, I can not begin to imagine what you went through, going through.
No wonder your depressed, the buying things is you comforting yourself(nothing wrong it that, it’s the being kind to yourself)

Of course your focusing on yourself and why not, it’s you it’s affecting you personally that perfectly normal and don’t beat yourself up for doing so.
What does he think your being ungrateful for? Because you survived?
Because he’s not been left with the problems you have, he’s not really going to see it your way. Unless your the one it’s affecting, nobody does. Also mental problems, unless you suffer yourself with changes that affect your everyday life, because they can’t see it they can’t comprehend the extent it does/as on your well being.
There’s then the physical part that you have to live with, the pain, injuries, the surgery, and any future things that you have to deal with.

I’m presuming you live together.? Is he back at work himself now?

It’s your family, you do what you what to do. I’m sure they may think he was just hitting out, and they just happened to cop for it unfortunately.
Doesn’t stop you from contacting them, if you now feel awkward just say he was stressed out.

You be kind to yourself, do what you feel is right for you sod everyone else.
Just deal with what you can for that day, hour whatever, if that nothing so be it.

Keep posting, I’m sure others will be along with help, suggestions
Take care

Oh how awful. I presume you're seeing an OT. Do they know the extent of your trauma? They're not just involved for the physical side so I'd advise confiding in them ( I am one!)

Thank you all for your kind responses it's so good to hear from others who perhaps have been through similar or understand where I'm coming from.

I've had my appointment come through for a consultation psychiatrist as they feel I'm suffering from severe PTSD, it's not until end of April which is classed as urgent.. working within the medical profession I'm only too well familiar with how the mental health services are over stretched !!

I am feeling so vulnerable as you say at the moment due to my disabilities which I'm told may improve but there are no guarantees. I am financially depleted and my company pay no sick pay so I'm having to pay normal bills and mortgage with £270 per month and now run the risk of losing my property on top of all this.

I am really trying my family say how amazed they are with me and my recovery as only six weeks ago today I was in intensive care being treated for life threatening injuries. I know I'm trying my hardest and I want this whole scenario to be over but it's going to take time, and I feel my partner is just irritated with me permanently as my recovery is not as fast as his !!!

We had an amazing relationship before all this .. it seems to have ruined things which makes me so sad xx

Hi
Thank you for taking time to update us all.

I’m presuming it’s not nhs you work for as no sick pay!!

Are you getting everything your entitled too?
Over 25 Esa is £73.10 and I’m sure if your under 40 there used to be additional allowance (may have stopped now, with all the cuts)
Go on entitled2us website

Re partner that’s not very considerate of him, just because he’s on the mend quicker than you.
We all have different healing and no two people are alike.
One persons coping strategies isn’t another person, this as nothing to do with with being weaker person
We’re all individuals
You do it at your own pace that you are comfortable with, there’s no time limit on illness

Re mortgage
Do you have anywhere in your agreement where you can take a break payment?
Or even remortgage, with one in ?
You don’t want to lose your home

Hi I do work for a private company within NHS but have been with them less than 6 months so they do not have to pay sick pay!!

I am 48 and I've looked at what I may be entitled to which isn't very much, I get SSP that's it. I have just contacted Department of work and pensions to try to apply for PIP but having worked for them before I know how difficult it is to get anything from them !!

How are you supposed to survive on £270 pm when you have a mortgage, gas and electricity, council tax bills to pay ? It's a joke.. it doesn't cover half of my bills .. let alone money for food !!

I just feel completely broken at the moment, as if it's not enough trying to cope with life changing injuries and the possibility of never working again .. I can do without the stress of financial issues too on top!!

It annoys me as I've worked so hard all of my life and now I need help there's none there !!

My partner has been a little more understanding the last few days whether it's because he's coming to terms with the fact I'm never going to be the way I was before the accident I don't know, but it's certainly helping xx

Our thoughts are with you at such a difficult time. It is a rollercoaster of emotions, plus the ongoing physical recovery. You are doing so well.

I had a quick look - there is a charity called Brake for road crash victims with a helpline, I know I would want to talk to experts. Just an idea - could any friends, family, colleagues do a crowdfunder for a few months, to give you breathing space?

The mantra that I needed to become my own advocate is good.

So glad to hear that your partner has been more understanding, and you have help lined up for the trauma.

Take it day by day. . All good wishes to you.

Have you got any type of mortgage insurance? will your car insurance make some type of claim against the person who caused the accident?.
Contact the council and you should get council tax support where you get the majority of it paid for.If your really incapacitated then you should get PIP, make sure that you put down all the people they need to contact and get supporting letters etc.

You can get some support for the interest on the mortgage if your out of work. You need to check this out. I'd go to the CAB if you can as well. Sorry you have to go through all this.

Hi OP

Please take a look at this:

www.factonline.co.uk

I don’t have mortgage protection unfortunately . Thank you ... for the links xx