Dh is 48. Been married 22 yrs. 2 kids one of whom is challenging to look after, attends special school . Teenager with raging hormones etc.
Teen has periodic violent episodes but with help of family therapist and input from children's services , we are getting somewhere. Things had improved, but lately dh has admitted he's struggling with ds, he hates him, resents him. Therapist has told dh he's in 'blocked care' which means he can't give anymore and just feels shutdown. Could he be medically depressed. He's works full time and admits he stays at work to avoid coming home. He also admitted he's thought about harming himself. That if he was going to hang himself he has already identified which tree would be the best one. Today he has just accused me of having an affair after I nipped out this afternoon to visit a garden centre and grab a tea and piece of cake for a bit of a chill out. All this is out of character.
Actually now that I have written all this down I see I have answered my own question.