Depression in pregnancy

[megan160]

(I’ll try keep this quick and brief but it’s quite a long story) okay, I’m only 19 and I’m 6 months into my pregnancy with my second. I do have a first child but unfortunately I lost him / her. This was 2 years ago which I still haven’t gotten over. The father of this baby is my ex boyfriend and our relationship was absolutely great, until I got pregnant it wasn’t planned I was on the pill but I don’t regret it because it’s given me a healthy (so far) baby. Anyway as soon as he found out, he upped & left and he hasn’t given me any support since. Neither has his family. They have all turned him against me with ridiculous lies that this baby isn’t even his etc.

So basically I’ve struggled with my health mentally since the start of secondary school but I’ve not known it to be this bad in a long time. Every day I wake up and struggle to get myself out of bed, I never feel motivated to do anything. I left my job earlier than I wanted to because of how low I’m feeling, I’m pushing everyone close to me away. I’m so easily irritated all the time, I’m lashing out for the littlest thing and that’s never usually me. I’m always becoming tearful at random times of the day, I feel alone, sad, worthless and that I’ll be an awful mum. I can never sleep or when I do I just want to sleep and sleep and not get out of bed. I want to be excited as this is an exciting time, but I can’t bring myself to feel happy. This pregnancy has had a lot of struggles already, been in & out of hospital with problems etc. That hasn’t helped either. I’ve never told anyone about the way I’m feeling and I’m scared to. I’m terrified to open up to a doctor or my midwife, as I am scared that social services will get involved and think that I won’t be able to cope with my baby when in fact my daughter is the only reason I get myself out of bed and why I’m still alive to this day. She has saved me and she’s not been born yet. But I’m so scared social services will think I won’t be able to cope and therefore take my daughter once she’s born.

I don’t know where else to turn, has anyone got any advice? Shall I just go to my GP/ midwife? Is there any chance at all that I’ll have my daughter taken off me? Sorry this is so long lol. Any advice or help would be so much appreciated thank you x

Hello. Happy to see my nightly dose of insomnia coincided with your post.

Go to your GP asap. Also tell your midwife. Bump your thread in the morning if the sensible people who sleep properly don't see it. You are understandably very vulnerable and need support..pretty sure you'll be considered a priority too. I'm sure your daughter will not be taken off you, so you just focus on getting the help you need

I would try to get an appointment with a female GP. Male ones can tend to throw pills at you to stop you crying in their office.

You have every risk factor for developing this type of depression and believe me they have seen it 1 million times over.

They will possibly look at linking you in now with CBT (well if they're any good), look at meds, and possibly link you in with a nurse (can't think of the name), who will come out to check on you.
They WILL NOT take your baby.
GP is the way to go as if you tell her your fears about SS etc., she may in fact opt to see you once a week or similar, to avoid referring you (I come from a different healthcare system however).
My GP was so understanding. I asked her for e.g. 'can I drive while one these?' and she said yes, absolutely - if not - half this town would be off the road.
I would trust a GP more than SS or other services. So I would make an appointment (an emergency one if your surgery does that) for asap.
And you can always talk to us here. But they can put you on meds to stabilise your mental health, and then you can ask for further help if you need support in accessing baby groups etc when baby is born.

And be kind to yourself here. You're not a lesser Mum because you've been fucked in at the deep end with no support - not many people cope without support of some description. I didn't and I was 27!

Also, in the last trimester, I could sleep for the country. Your body is going through a lot, as is your mind. We're not designed to do this entirely alone, so when we find ourselves in such a situation, it would take the coldest of hearts to not be affected. You're not cold hearted and you're scared, lonely, broken hearted, alone, skint probably, with fuck all support. Don't compare yourself with yummy mummies who appear to take it all in their stride. They don't have the stresses you have. Just try to ring early when the surgery opens and get an appointment in the morning (that's how my surgery operates anyway).

Oh and congratulations btw! You've a whole new world of firsts ahead of you! A whole world of no sleep too lol, but don't make things hard on yourself.

Gentle bump for you, OP