I've got a few threads on here because I don't really have anybody to talk to.
My relationship with my mum is hitting rock bottom and feels awkward and I don't know if I can be with my partner anymore. I have 2 close friends one lives far away and the other has a lot going on so don't want to bother her.
I suffer from BPD and ME and just feel like I've had enough , I'm so tired all the time mentally and physically. I try my hardest to be a good mum but feel overwhelmed with guilt a lot of the time.
I thought I was ok but I'm having horrific mood swings and terrified of loosing it in front of my toddler. I had a breakdown when he was a few months old so luckily he wouldn't remember or notice. But I'm scared of it happening again now he's older, I'm scared for him having a mother with bad mental health problems and scared for him dealing with me as he gets older.
I'm terrified of being like my own mum who was abusive. I know I'm a brilliant mother and my child brings out the best in me, I'm calm, patient and loving , but that still doesn't stop me worrying.
Anxiety is eating away at me, I'm terrified of everything to the point I'm scared to leave the house, even being in the house scared me cause I think of bad things happening like an intruder or fire. I keep getting awful intrusive thoughts that are very distressing. I've been told I have signs of ocd by a medical professional but this wasn't looked into much.
I'm scared to go to the doctors because I hate feeling this weak. I feel like when I had a crisis team they couldn't wait to get rid of me. I'm good at putting on a front and acting like I'm ok but I wasn't and I was still struggling and now it's getting worse. I feel embarrassed and ashamed. I don't know what I would even say to them.