Partner going on stag do after 6 weeks

[S9719]

My partner is going on a stag do to Benidorm 6 weeks after I'm due. I just feel nervous about it I don't know how I'll cope on my own for three days, I've got friends and family around so I won't be totally alone but it's not the same as having him in the house all day. I don't want to say he can't go because I feel like he'll resent me when he sees pictures of everyone else having a good time and he's stuck at home. He works nights so I'm already nervous about me having to look after baby all night and then 90% of the day whilst he gets some sleep and then looking after baby all night again whilst he's at work. I feel like I won't get a break at all and I'm just nervous about it, I'm a first time mum and I'm young I just thought he'd want to spend time with his son instead of going on a boozy weekend away.

I would concentrate more on good day by day routines, the three days won’t have as big an impact as how you share things every day. If he worked day times you wouldn’t have to do 90%, so why should night shifts mean that? I mean although he is out at night and then needs to sleep, he must have a good few hours when he is doing neither! It’s always a worry having your first baby, but you are stronger than you think. Have you anyone else around to support you?

He usually gets up about 2/3pm and leaves for work at about 6:30pm so I guess that gives me a couple of hours to catch up on sleep if I need to. I think I'm just worried about him going away because it's pretty soon after I'm due and I could go over my due date which means baby will be even younger when he goes away

I've got his parents and my parents, they live a 2 minute drive away from us and I've got my cousin and his cousins so lots of people who will be willing to help out

Yeah the jolly isn’t ideal. He will also miss seeing the little day to day changes - maybe he won’t be able to bear to go when the time comes! So does he stay up for a while post shift, before sleep? You need to start talking now about what elements of child and house care he is going to be taking on. He could get the shopping in or be in charge of laundry, he needs to know it cannot all fall to you - early weeks your job is eat, sleep, change, repeat!

You’ve got great support - that’s excellent.
It is difficult and I understand but it is only 3 days away and I think you’ll get through it. Any way your mum could stay with you if you are feeling anxious or another sibling ?

I'm secretly hoping that once baby's here he won't want to go. He currently comes home and gets straight in bed. I definitely need to speak to him about house work I do the washing, I usually cook 5 days a week. I clean and do general tidying. He'll do the washing up now and again which I am grateful for because I hate washing the dishes.

I'm probably just overthinking this but when baby kicks he never feels him, I thought he'd have his hands all over my belly wanting to feel his son kick but when I say he's wriggling and it's a strange feeling he just says 'aww' or 'he's definitely going to be a footballer'

He's also going on a stag do in August (im due 31st may) if I have a terrible time whilst he's away on this first stag do I'm putting my foot down and he won't be going. It's not a nice feeling to know there will be girls in bikinis everywhere and I'll have just had a baby and I'll be a mess. I probably sound crazy I'm sorry

What is it you think you’ll struggle with OP?

Op you don’t sound crazy at all. It’s anreally big time for you and your partner/husband - sorry I always forgotten which. It completely normal to be anxious generally and uncertain about your body etc. You’ll probably find you are far stronger than you ever knew.
Have you talked to him about feeling the way you do at all ? You never know he might well be apprehensive too.

You really need to deal with these feelings. I appreciate it's only 6 weeks after your due date that he's going away but is there going to be a cut off point where you 'allow' him?
Did you dicuss this before you decided to have children that he would no longer be able to go on stags?
Focus on the good, 3 days of you and baby, plan some nice activities with your friends & family/invite them round, book yourself into a mum and baby class, plan a nice day family day with your dp for when he's back etc.

We've already spoken about it, he was originally going away for 5 days. He was going to fly out a day before the groom and fly back a day after the groom so he wasn't as hungover on the flight back but I said not a chance are you leaving me with a pretty much newborn baby for 5 whole days but it's obviously still bothering me that's he's going because I'm still getting upset about it but I don't want to keep bringing it up to him

He was already going the the stag dos before I got pregnant that's why I feel like I can't kick off about it, I'm just nervous with it being our first baby

By the 6 week stage you’ll be well into the swing of things. Honesty, it seems scary now but by that stage you’ll feel like a natural as if you’ve always had a baby. And you’ll have all that family with you too. You really will be fine.

I think what's annoying me the most is he's acting like we're not about to have a baby. He had a ticket for a concert which is 2 weeks after I'm due I had to tell him to sell his ticket he didn't offer to sell it so he could be at home with his son. He's going on two stag dos. I'm panicking about leaving baby for one night in October when we're at a family wedding. I asked him to buy the changing table and he said he'll get it when he gets paid but a couple of days after I mentioned buying the changing table he went to the football and probably spent a good £50 so he found the money for the football match but the changing table had to wait

That's completely understandable. I just hope you don't let this sour your experience of being a new mum/family with this burning in your mind. Idon't think you should secretly hope he doesn't go either because you could be setting yourself up for more anguish. Talk to your partner, you don't have to kick off, just calmly talk about how you feel.

Of course you are - totally understandable. Good he’s reduced the days. I’d hope he isn’t planning to arrive back in a state !
Talk to your mum/siblings who have had children about feeling anxious they’ll be able to reassure you and/or just be around for you.

I think it’s worth bearing in mind your son is much more ‘real’ to you right now because he’s in your body.
Having been in your position I think you need to make an effort to deal with your heightened anxiety rather than concentrate on what you feel your DP should or should not be doing

I went on a hen do abroad 2 months after having DD and DH went on a business trip away about a week after I got back. I don’t think it’s fair to tell him he can’t go, especially if a lot of it comes down to your insecurities about girls in bikinis. Although you’re definitely not crazy and it’s ok to be anxious when your body is going through so many changes. It sounds like you have a great support network, can your Mum can and stay whilst he’s away to help out if necessary? As for him not really bonding with your bump, I don’t think it’s that uncommon; my DH is super squeamish and was in all honesty a bit freaked and likened some of the movements to Alien! What matters is what he’ll be like once the baby arrives. I don’t at all like the sound of you doing the vast majority of the housework, it doesn’t sound like a fair division of responsibility at all and you should knock that on the head. Nor is the spending money on football tickets and not buying things for the baby brilliant, however he does sort of have a point if the match was that weekend and the baby isn’t due for months.

I won't tell him he can't go purely because it'll start and argument, even if turned around to him and said I don't want you to go I don't think he'd change his mind about going