School playground crap

[CheeseRolls]

I am pretty unwell with severe depression. In a bad episode atm and do not want to continue my life at all. I'm under psychiatrist/ medicated and have other professional support though no social / family support to speak of.

I'm single parent to two kids (dad is involved a lot) and a full on FT job. I'm literally fighting to survive each day. I have no quality of life at all.

When I get to collect children from school I'm never in a place to chat / make small talk. I will politely respond to the nicer parents (or my children's good friends) who are still willing to speak to me but many who I've previously got on with have clearly decided I'm being off with them and walk away when I am near. It's been going on long enough to not be a coincidence/ paranoia on my part etc.

It shouldn't matter but it does. I don't know how to fix it and not being able to fix makes things worse. I'm not able to go large on the social niceties. It would be fake anyway. Knowing I'm regarded badly by these parents is really horrible and making me panic when I see them.
I can't tell them how unwell I am and they aren't mind readers obviously.

Am I'm more nuts than I already feel ? Anyone else get me?

I’m so sorry to hear this.

Do you have a friend at school who could subtly have a word with some of the mums to let them know what’s happening? Or could you text one of them and ask them to let others you’re suffering and having a hard time? I’m sure people will be sympathetic when they know.

I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you kingfisherblue33 for kind words. It makes a big difference to hear some kindness.

I don't really have a friend as such who I think would do this for me. Isolation/ withdrawal of depression really is a beast of its own.

Part of my fear is that there is a social event for the kids soon and I have to be there and will see said parents. Im going to struggle anyway to fake through it and behaviour like this is going to be hugely impactful.
I know it's my own doing but it's horrible.

The playground isn't the best place to get to know the other parents, I'm good friends with 3 parents and we often just say hi at school time because one of us is usually in a rush.

Could you ask one of them if they fancy taking the kids to a soft play after school one day? Or for something to eat if they're older?
You may need to arrange it though, I find unless one of us makes a definite date it always ends up as a 'yes that'd be nice '.
I tend to say "I'm taking dd to insert place on Friday, do you fancy coming".

I’ve read your post two or three times to see if I can find any clues as to if you’re a parent in the playground I go to to collect my DCs.
Why? I’ve done it because I’d hate to know another person felt that way who was so close yet so out of reach to me.

Clearly, I don’t know you, but is there anyway you can acknowledge someone there who you used to be on speaking terms to? Catch their eye and ask how they are? Or make a suggestion that their DC come to play at your house with your DC to get the line of common with another adult flowing?

Depression is an absolute bitch and a dark tunnel which drags you in and grips you hard. Take that first step OP

Thanks for those who replied

Shiraz - wondering where you are located now! I'd also hate to think someone felt like this and didn't ask for help. The asking for it is very hard

Unfortunately I am not in any state to arrange play dates at home or trying to do something after school. I can barely get though getting kids to an activity each during the week, feeding them and bed. It feels like an enormous ordeal.

At best I can extrapolate a conversation with one of the nicer ones and try to feel a vibe of human connection

Depression does fucking suck.

Can you take a break from work even if just for a few days. Have the flu ! Or whatever if you can't be honest with the reason.
Take the kids to school and then sleep or rest all day. You may be better able to cope with the pick up then . And yes let someone know who can support you on the playground. I always found them v clicky anyway and it is easy to feel isolated even if you are feeling good .
I am so sorry life is so tough for you st the time . I really hope things improve for you soon. Sending a hug xxx

You aren't nuts. The school playground can be hideous. In a few years you'll never have to do it again as they'll be at secondary and you won't care a hoot for these people, but it can seem a long way off when you are in the thick of it!

As you work FT could you use an after school/breakfast club or childminder?

Thank you for replying.

@Hamsternauts
I already have a combo of bfast and after school clubs but a couple of the clubs one child does the same parent crowd are there to collect. I avoid as much as possible which doesn't help as I'm not a regular enough regular.

@flapjackfairy
Work is actually the thing keeping me alive for now as I have some value and don't have to see most of the people I work with. I've taken time off before in bigger chunks. A short day off would be nice but ultimately not enough to make me want to carry on.

Replies and kind comments are soo helpful. I am very isolated so is nice to actually 'talk' to you all about it.

Would it be easier to stop engaging for now ? Wear a headset whilst you're waiting for the DC , pretend to read a book, look at your phone, or stand at a distance- most people will be focused on their DC to notice.

:) rookie like your thinking.
I do a lot of hiding with my headphones.
Probably giving myself away to anyone in the group of parents now!

I think the issue is impossible to solve. I want them to understand and be kind AND respect my space without taking it personally.

I agree playgrounds are hideous and I avoid most of the cliques but these are parents of my children's good friends so it feels bit different.

Might be better to move this to mental health..

Yes try that .hope you get some great support xxx

Thanks for moving this MN HQ