Any help would be appreciated

[Db2711]

Please can someone help? I’m having a terrible time at the moment and I don’t know how to cope. I have 3 children, 2 boys 22 and 21 and a daughter that’s nearly 18. The oldest boy has just quit his job due to anxiety and depression, my middle son has just come home from work and said he feels the same, and started crying and my daughter is going through the loss of her first love and screaming and crying all night. I work 24 hours a week and attend college for 2 days. I’m really struggling and I have nobody. I lost my mum 4 years ago and I have very few friends. Most have their own worries. I feel so lost and I don’t know how to make it better. This is gonna be another sleepless night for me worrying myself to death when I have lots of studying I should be doing. I’m 49 years old and I’m just so tired 😭😭😭😭

Guide your adult children on how best to address their concerns. You can support them as best you can but they need to acknowledge that they need to find their own solutions via a support network (not just you). Where else can they find help? Make it clear that at their age you are not the only source of help.

I have done this. There is so much more to the story but it would take me forever to explain. They are all just so reliant on me and I’m afraid I’m getting poorly now. I have gone partially blind in my left eye due to stress. It all sounds hard to believe I’m sure. I actually feel physically sick at the moment. I actually want to move into a little flat somewhere on my own. It’s just awful 😭

That sounds unbelievably stressful I'm sorry. Losing a first love is painful but something we nearly all have to go through so maybe you don't need to worry overly about your daughter. Your sons should make an appointment with the gp if they haven't already. And so should you as you likely need support too, maybe counseling. Your children will get more independent. In some ways these may be the hardest years but they will pass. Perhaps if your children could also find it in them to support one another it would be mutually beneficial. Sending you strength!

That sounds awful. I'm so sorry. Do they all still live with you? I don't have much advice- you need to get them to a less reliant place but in the middle of anxiety and depression and with three of them that's a tall order. If you have a decent gp it's worth encouraging your sons to seek help there - if they can get some cbt or something they might start to work through their own issues and stop dumping it all on you. You might also be able to get counseling for you or them. If they're still living with you try and help them work towards a plan to get their own place! It's so hard not to give when the people you love need it but it's damaging to everyone if you give more than you have, try and make sure you have rest and time for yourself.

Thank you all for being so kind. They all still live with me yes. I do give them practical advice and help on how they can progress. I’ve done that since their teens and tried so so hard to make them as independent as possible. It’s seems to have just all backfired. They’ve gone the opposite way to how I’ve been teaching them. I do agree also, it’s not that I don’t want to support them, I love them all very much, I’ve just got to the point where I’ve given all I can. I’ve explained on numerous occasions that if they don’t have a job, I will have to work more hours. This is also weighing heavily on me. I returned to education because I felt it was the right time and in no less than 6 months everything has changed. I honestly can’t concentrate due to the worry. I will seek some sort of counselling for myself. Thank you again everyone that replied