Schizophrenia and depression - DB

[KittyVonCatsworth]

My DB was diagnosed about 15 years ago with schizophrenia which mainly manifested itself with extreme self harming. He's been on a variety of meds for years, some worked, some didn't but on the whole it's being managed well with support from his CPN and meds.

He's going through a toxic separation from his DW and is having to stay in the house until he can be housed by the LA. This situation isn't helping and he's struggling with strong suicidal thoughts and I'm drowning through trying to keep him afloat. He doesn't work, he doesn't have any friends and we're not close with our parents. I'm all he has apart from his kids and I just don't know what else I can do. His CPN visits are up to every other week, he's maxxed out on his meds and none of this seems to be helping. I'm 400 miles away, the last time I saw him at Xmas he was just a wide eyed zombie.

I know there's never going to be a fix for this, no silver bullet but I'm just so frustrated, worried, exhausted, terrified that he's going to "pull the pin". I'm in constant contact with him, all hours day and night, listening to him, just being there. I'm trying not to recommend things or trying to fix it but I've mentioned about refocusing on something else other than this constant inward thinking. Suggested college, the gym, clubs but there's no motivation. Motivation isn't the right word, I know, but I am trying to channel some strength to him, some positivity to just try. I won't pretend to fully understand exactly how MH works but I've been through something similar with my DD and although it's always there, she really has turned her life around. I want him to see that there is a life with MH but I just don't know how.

I think on how it must be for him to wake in the early hours, just lying there with only his thoughts and how it must feel thinking that this is what life will always be like that. I just want him well enough to have a functional life. I don't remember who my brother was before MH issues. He's 40 and this is it for him.

Sorry, epic post. I'm just exhausted through months and months of late night, early morning calls and messages and worry. What else can I do?

Hi OP, sorry to hear this. My DB has schizophrenia, dx 15 years ago, same age. It took him a long time to find the right combination of meds too. He had a break up a few years ago and it did derail him, he's only just getting back on track. You need to look after yourself in all of this.

One thing my DB did some years ago was get himself voluntarily sectioned (it wasn't called this) in a respite stay for two weeks on a mental health ward.

Would speeding up the housing situation help? There could be a case to make him Priority A if its affecting his mental health.

Does the CPN have any mental health support groups he could go along to? I don't know but it seems especially hard for men to talk about feelings. Have a look at Calm the male suicide site and see if anything there helps.

Here is a link to Rethink Siblings : www.rethink.org/carers-family-friends/brothers-and-sisters-siblings-network.

He will ultimately need to structure his week with a combination of activities. My DB has one main interest and we have encouraged that as much as possible. He also likes church based groups - these are very accepting of people with MH issues, going to the library, swimming. He has done volunteering in the past.

Try and stay positive, maybe wean off constant contact, I know it's hard not to but it can be very wearing.

My other advice would be checking in that he's not getting into debt once he moves out.

DB also did WRAP training - wellness planning which was helpful.

I have tried to understand the condition as it affects him, symptoms etc., and which symptoms are medication side effects. I really just want us to have a normal relationship and I'm trying to figure that out.

You are doing well just by being there

And I feel for your sadness, it will get brighter and there is always hope

Hello I am in a similar situation with my brother, who was diagnosed 25 years ago. The medication keeps him stable to a degree but he doesn’t feel able to work or socialise. I agree with sconesandtea that you need to look after yourself too. I have found my DB will only do things that he feels able to do, if I try to motivate him in anyway it doesn’t work.

I know motivation isn’t the right word, it’s a difficult balance to be supportive but not impose my ideas of what might help him.