Feel like it's all pointless

[WordsAndWorlds]

Don't really have anywhere else to post...

Just feel like everything's pointless and I'm stuck in groundhog day of work to try and make it to the weekend, get through weekend with work looming. Repeat. Life ticking away with nothing to show for it, acutely aware that myself and DH are getting older, the kids are getting older, the dog is getting older.

Nothing brings me any real joy.

Fleeting moments with the kids, or definitely when on holiday. But it's all overshadowed by this huge weight of "this is all my life is and will ever be now".

I'm late 30s. Very limited career options due to confines of the school run and a completely inflexible DH. Similarly, DH earning well but not as much as we'd once hoped he would be by now. Nice house but hardly my dream home - again, tied by schools and work, not heart. Most of my family dead or bonkers. DH's family very very hard work. Little to no support with the kids so we get no time together hardly at all and intimacy between us is practically non existent these days - feels like a time bomb until he leaves me one day for a younger more cheerful model. I have friends...would I say best friends? Not sure that any of them love me unconditionally without strings attached. My funeral would have very few attendees.

Looking back at my life, the things im most proud of happened over 20 years ago. All through school I was predicted to be something special, but they were wrong....I'm nothing. DH tells me I'm special to him, and the kids but I don't feel special.

I feel like my life now is just a waiting game for it to end, I can't really visualise what else I'm going to achieve or that could be truly worthwhile. I struggle to get up in the mornings, the only thing I look forward to is sleep and shutting it all out. Yes, I've joined fitness classes and clubs and done additional qualifications to give myself something to do and it helps in the moment but not to make the bigger picture feel any better.

I've spoken to GP but as I'm generally high performing and not crying- if anything, I'm emotionally dead except behind closed doors where I'm irritable, irrational, sad - they say I'm fine and won't help.

Sorry I realise there's not much point to this post, just had to write it down. Does anybody else feel the same? Does it get any better?

I'd go back to the GP as you sound depressed. Have you considered anti-depressants? They helped me massively when I had PND.

How old are your children?

You sound depressed to me.

Try a new GP & tell them some of what you've said in your OP.
To me you clearly have Depression.

Anti depressants can take a couple of weeks to kick in but they can help lift you up enough to see life in a better way & give you the energy to make necessary changes.

I can relate to that feeling of what next and feeling rather tired, very different situation but also late 30s. Of course it gets better. There may be the need to start to think ahead to the bigger picture as your children are getting older, what would you like to do? In the meantime you mention moments with the kids and holidays, could you plan more holidays and outings so you can lift yourself, and some time away without kids? Longer days will be here soon too.

Please go back to the gp. You deserve to feel joy again

Try looking within as opposed to with out.

I feel exactly the same way OP, except I’m late fifties. I look back on my life and feel (apart from my 2 lovely kids) I have nothing to show for all those years, I don’t even have a DP/DH. I’m just an insignificant being, and that’s exactly how I feel. If it wasn’t for the pain I’d cause to my children, I wouldn’t be here as there’s just no point.

I could have written that post op...infact I basically have on the relationships thread. I’m a little older than you (in the first half of my 40s) No career ever (sahm). I don’t feel joy...nothing seems to bring joy. I feel kind of numb.

Im 37 and I feel the exact same way.
I'm dreading my kids growing up and not needing me anymore because if im not a mum im nothing im not good for anything.

I'm 42 and DON'T have kids so I'm having to find a 'point' to my life without children now.

I've found that very hard & upsetting but my psychiatrist says I need to come to an acceptance that this is my life now & try to focus on enjoying it.

I find I take pleasure in small day to day things like going for coffee, watching bands, shopping (I like fashionable clothes, make up, antiques, books), seeing my best friends & family.

Ive not got a career as such but I work as a healthcare assistant & really feel that I make a difference to people's lives.

It is hard to think of the future without children but actually theres a very good chance I'll be a stepmother at least... every man I meet has children!