DH has suffered from depression for years but I’m starting to wonder more recently if it’s something else.
Things such as
A disproportionate reaction to things, eg the state of the country at the moment. Total venom towards the government and the rich and wanting to move thousands of miles to be away from other people.
Hiding from the world when he’s struggling to cope-by sitting in the study doing his hobby for hours on end. He agrees this is total escapism.
Total overreaction to things (mainly) I’ve said or the kids have said-it comes from out of nowhere. He gets in a huge rant but deflects it all onto us. He comes out with a totally disproportionate reaction to something someone has said and then talks really slowly to me like I’m an idiot-saying the same thing repeatedly and not listening to anyone. When we all look a bit confused (as this has literally come out of nowhere) he says we are all patronising him and talking to him like he’s stupid. He does a lot of ‘your confidence in me is overwhelming, thanks’ or ‘I can’t believe you would think that of me’.
He blames me for things-eg yesterday I came back and there was a basket of damp washing next to the drier. I queried what it was. I had gone out and left washing in the drier, apparently, he split something on his jumper so washed it and had to take stuff out of the washing machine to put his stuff in. He said he had nowhere to put it, except in the drier, so just took the stuff out of it (still wet). I wasn’t cross, just trying to identify what the wet clothes were in the basket. He got all defensive and said I should have put the tumble drier on for longer and then said because I’d phoned him when he was doing it, he got it wrong. I get lots of, ‘oh, that’s another thing I’ve done wrong.’ It sounds so silly but really-he miust have felt the washing and saw it was still wet?? I never moan at him for doing anything wring, I would have just loaned, but it was turned round to being my fault! Another incident yesterday-I was clearing away the dinner, dropped something which bounced off a plate onto the floor, knocked a coke bottle over and a load of packets of crisps went onto the floor! I then tried to put the then I was holding (hands full-probably why it happens) into the dishwasher but he was right behind my trying to put a plate in there. He heard my noise (laugh-possibly slightly exasperated with myself) assumed I was cross with him for being in my way, accused me of being in his way, and shouted at me for being cross. I was about to say I felt like I was Frank Spencer-it was a bit farcical with me dropping things and then knocking stuff over and I honestly thought he was going to say something funny, but he just started shouted at me. I explained and asked him to stop shouting at me, at which point he said he wasn’t (despite teen DD agreeing he was) then we are all getting at him.
So we have lots of things like this, where I’m not cross but he perceives me as being cross so gets all defensive and crows himself. He can shout and strop and show all emotions he likes, but if I raise one eyebrow, he decides I’m really cross which he feels is really unreasonable. I can’t win. I feel like I have shut down all emotions now when he is there as it’s just easier. If I moan about work-that’s validation to him that we should move away as the Government is to blame, so I now don’t tell him anything. If I ever ask him to do anything around the house, he says I’ve asked him in the wrong way and he picks fault. He can’t tell me how I could ask though-I just get it wrong.
He is extremely overweight-I am starting to think he actually has an eating disorder. He seems to have no off switch.
Does this sounds like borderline personality disorder? Or depression? Or is he just being a twat.
I feel numb sometimes-I have repressed my feelings and thoughts for so long, when I stop and think sometimes, the tears just pour down my cheeks. Every holiday we have is ruined because he starts arguments and shouts people down-I end up trying to steer conversations away from certain things when we have friends or family there just for an easy life. I was wondering if I was depressed, but I don’t think I am-I’m just very unhappy :(
There are so many things, that have been going on for so long-i don’t know where to start.