I've completely lost who i used to be

[zunshine]

Years ago I was this friendly person, always put together and organised, I was the person people went to when they needed help. Then I was in this terrible relationship and even two years after leaving I just can't get back to who I used to be, I'm so anxious all the time, the only reason I leave the house is for my DC, i go to work, I take them to school. I barely talk to my friends and family anymore. Right now DC are asleep and I know I have things I should be doing but I just sit here, with no motivation to even move. I was in therapy for a while but it never really helped, I didn't know how to open up about how I really felt, I've become so good at pretending I'm fine yet I can't remember the last time I felt completely fine

Bump

Sorry to read about how you've been feeling.

What would happen if you told your friends or family that you weren't fine?

Stop beating yourself up. You’re working and looking after your children- which is more than a full time job. You’re entitled to be knackered, and it’s not surprising that you’re crashed out on the sofa. If you were being shiny and wildly social on top of all of what you’re doing, you’d have to be on drugs tbh. Lie back and ( be brutal) admit to yourself that you’re doing a great job.

I've hinted at it before, I even said to a friend I find it hard to just leave the house all she said back was "why" and I don't really know why

Not a very helpful response from your friend.

Sometimes being direct might help. For example, "I'm having a hard time and could really use some help". Some people will get it wrong, that's a risk.

Also, being low can make you lose perspective. The chores you are putting off might be much less important than spending time looking after yourself.

Is there anyone at work you could confide in? Or a support service for staff you could access?

You're doing well, looking after the DC and going to work. Time for some self-care now. You'll get back to yourself in time.

To recover from my last mental breakdown I had to let go, completely, of who I thought I was.

I have had to learn who I am now. It's hard work but it can be done. Get some more therapy. Start a blog or diary to record the progress you are making.

And be kind to yourself.

Would it be worth giving therapy another go? There's different types and maybe there's one that's more suited to what you're going through. I know if you're struggling with motivation it's hard to even contemplate engaging in something like though. I'm sorry you're feeling like you do. It's rubbish feeling you've lost the person you used to be - but you are still there underneath it all.

I know exactly how you feel. I'm on antidepressants which initially helped but recently I've reached a plateau and beyond the necessities (work/kids) I just can't get my shit together and want to sleep all the time. I've tried "reaching out" to people but those with "normal" heads don't get it. Hope you feel better soon.

Thank you for the advice, I feel like the therapist I was going to wasn't really right for me but i was too polite to say anything

Ever done INFJ test?

It helped me when I came out of a controlling relationship. It's not for everyone though.

One other thought at a more basic level....vitamin b12, iron, vitamin d? All can make a big difference to energy levels and mood, especially this time of year.