11 year old still self harming, could use some advice.

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I posted a few months ago as my daughter started self harming.

She was cutting her arms with scissors in school. I called it attention seeking as she was doing it then telling people. I realise this was the wrong thing to say (not to her obviously, but on here).

We took her to a private therapist and things got much better. We finally got a CAHMS appointment and they said they wouldn't refer her for therapy as she was doing so well with the private therapist.

After Xmas she had another incident and again told new kids about it. The school have been great and they spoke to the parents of these kids.

On Tuesday she was at her appointment and the therapist implied that she may not need to see her for much longer. But today DD has hurt herself again and told a child at school. She didn't tell me until bedtime and when I hugged her goodnight, her hair smelled of sick. Growing up with a bulimic family member, this has scared me so much.

I have looked at her phone and the messages between her and this child are so dramatic. It's like DD is feeding off the sensationalism. Meanwhile she's messaging other friends and having normal conversations.

I'm going to talk to the school tomorrow.

But what I really wanted was some advice, can anyone suggest something that I can do, that will fulfil this need she has? She is well loved and we have lots of one to one time. She does a few activities out of school that she likes but doesn't love and would drop them if I didn't encourage her.

I'm wondering if I just pay for private lessons in a sport or drama or dance, that might give her something else to think about. She's a very intelligent child and finds school easy, part of me wonders if this is because she's bored. I really don't know and I'm clutching at straws but any advice would be most welcome.

Keep on with the therapy.

Sometimes they do not even know why they are doing it.

Thanks, therapy definitely won't be stopping.

Just another couple of thoughts that may help her......

She could if she wishes talk to Childline or Youngminds or Samaritans.

Especially Samaritans if she has the urge to hurt herself, she can call them and they will talk to her to take her mind off the need to harm herself. The Samaritans are 24/7 so any time night or day they are available.
HTH's

Thanks again, the school has talked to us about childline, but not the others.

Get her off the internet and discontinue her texting. Sounds harsh but it allows her a private audience with a peer that's feeding her need to attention seek.

Please do it. You're not responsible for other children but children this age aren't emotionally equipped to deal with this level of trauma. Stop her communicating in this private way.

Is she on social media? Does she have the internet? I suspect yes. Close it down.

When I say you're not responsible for other children - I mean that you must think a little about the child she's showing her cuts too.

I'd be horrified if your DD was texting my same age DS about all this so I feel you should block off this avenue to her.

Sorry your daughter is continuing to have problems OP.

I used to SH, and agree with Pps that your daughter should not be discussing it with others. She is 11, and she needs guidance as to what is appropriate in terms of her relationships with other children. It sounds like her school have been good at getting other children/parents to understand your daughter, without getting your daughter to understand how to interact appropriately with other people. It will benefit her in the long run as if she carries on like this she will end up pushing her friends away.

It’s ok to feel sad/angry/upset. We can’t help how we feel and it can help to talk about feeling sad etc. Is your daughter able to label her feelings eg I feel sad/anxious rather than I want to harm myself? An emotion must lead to the desire to do the self harming. If she can’t do this then her therapist should be going through it with her.

It’s not ok to talk with people who are not trained professionals/parents about self harm. It can make them anxious, scared, stressed or depressed and make them feel the need to injure themselves too. It is not ok to show friends self harm, if it needs attention only grown ups should see it. Self harm should be covered up until it heals.

In order to protect the mental health of her friends I’d be removing her phone or monitoring her closely with it. I’d also be asking the school what it is doing to protect everyone in this situation. Your daughter is clearly struggling but the school have a responsibility to make sure that other children are not affected.

Does this help at all OP? I hope it doesn't across as being judge or 'punishment' (I.e. withdrawing her mobile) but social media and the internet isn't a safe place for vulnerable children, not people for that matter.

Hope your DD is ok.