I'm in love with my CPN

[SoConfused100]

Hi. I came out of hospital after 10 years about 6 months ago and started seeing a community team. They are all supportive but especially my CPN. She does everything for me and it makes me feel guilty and embarrassed. I think about her all the time and even stalk her on Facebook without her knowing. I know she us straight and nothing is going to happen. I really want to say something because it's affecting my mental health but I'm scared in case she leaves. As much as I want to have a new CPN I can't bear the thought of saying goodbye. It's happened quite a lot of times in the past mostly with older woman like teachers and HCA's. I'm not in contact with any family and Dom (That's not her real name I feel rude saying she) has become more to mean than she realises or maybe she does. I don't know. PLEASE CAN SOMEONE HELP.

Tell them. It may not be about your CPN at all but the repeated nature of these infactuations highlights an area you could do with some support and possible counselling in, CPN could help you access that!

Don't answer if you feel uncomfortable but is one of your diagnoses BPD? Because this is known for causing strong attachments like you describe.

What is a CPN?

There's a thing called transference where patients become infatuated with their psychiatrists. In order to be suitably treated, you need to tell them or someone else, so that you can be transferred to a different professional. I don't mean to be harsh, but there is no way that they are in love with you or whatever you are imagining. I'm sorry. I know that's not what you want to hear.

CPN = community psychiatric nurse.

I fell for my therapist. He listened to me, I felt he understood me and cared about what happened to me at a time I was rock bottom. I was devastated when our time working together ended and cried and grieved over the loss. But it wasn't him, it was what he represented - someone that gave me support when I needed it. Are you sure this isn't what you are feeling OP? I understand, it's tough, but try and take a step back and I think you will find it might be the same for you. I hope you will be ok

I would say the real problem is that your support with your CPN will taper off eventually as your recover, but you will risk being set back by the feelings of loss. It is really normal to feel anxious about endings but this sounds like it could be a big deal for you.

I just asked someone I know who has been sectioned previously, they said it's more common than you think, they would say it's not appropriate, if anything happened they would lose their job. I asked him about the ten years and he said that's a long time and you're not really allowed to have relationships in hospital. He said its tricky and when he did peer support training they said you only have ten sessions with someone as it stops them becoming dependent on you and you becoming dependent on them. He said it's a tough one and they don't like it very much. If she said something she'd just be told that it's inappropriate. He said you could do nothing or ask for a new CPN.

I don't know if that helps. I wish you well. Adjusting to life after ten years in hospital is a big, positive step.