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Original poster

How to navigate this

14 replies

tormentil · 01/03/2019 19:54

I live in a small community.
It's a difficult community to live in and I know that I'm on the back foot. I've been damaged aleady and have ongoing psychiatric support.

A while back, a neighbour - male - came to visit. I've known him for a long time, which included intimacy, (a long time ago) but at that point it was all - as far as I was concerned- in the past He'd been drinking and the conversation crossed boundaries. I tried to be light about it, in the interest of maintaining relationships - but as his life moved forwards and mine didn't it became more difficult to maintain this lightness. I started to feel violated. He then got married to my Dr. I've tried to be adult and OK about all this - but I now need to have regular monitoring from the Dr and it is causing me no end of distress. I'm already receiving psychiatric support for trauma (other causes) but am really struggling with this situation as my Dr knows about her husbands indiscretion and seems to be OK about it, whereas I have spent the past few weeks in great distress about having to consult her. I'm trying to be adult about this ( at 53, I should be) but I've been crying more than is OK.
I need to navigate my way out of this - any ideas?

OP posts:
Original poster
tormentil · 01/03/2019 21:13

Crying hopelessly. The cats don't know what to do. Bath and bed for now.

OP posts:
lljkk · 01/03/2019 21:17

You're getting therapy from a psychiatrist married to your ex-lover, who also happens to be a neighbour? Is the psych also a neighbour?

How long ago were you intimate with this guy? Why was it a sexual indiscretion -- were you or him married to someone at the time? How do you know that the Doctor knows about your sexual past with her H?

Original poster
tormentil · 01/03/2019 21:30

lljkk - thanks for replying.
It's complicated. Small community.
I have something like complx PTSd. That's under the care of the mental health team.
Now my blood pressure is off the scale and I have to be monitored. I have to interact with my Dr. Who has married to the exlover who has crossed boundaries. I feel that I'm in an impossible position. She knows becaue we had a conversation - as I understand it she doesn't think her new husbands has done anything wrong.
There is no trust. I know that the blood pressure thing has to be seem to and I'm very distressed.

OP posts:
lljkk · 01/03/2019 21:48

I don't understand how he did something wrong (but not sure I need to know).

How far away travel distance is the next closest GP?
GPs hate anything like personal conflicts of interest. So just surprising this one didn't shift you off her caseload asap given indirect personal relationships.

WifOfBif · 01/03/2019 21:51

I don’t have any other advice other than to move GP practice but I’m not sure how realistic that is.

Wishing you easier times ahead Flowers

Original poster
tormentil · 01/03/2019 22:04

It's difficult because I live in a remote area - there is a locum gp who I can consult but 'Dr remote area' is the one in charge.
f it were not for the hbp issue I could let it go - but even the psychiatric support is on my back.
Her new husband came to my house and harased me for sex.I said no and he called me frigid. I can't deal with it.

OP posts:
lljkk · 01/03/2019 22:10

Fks sake, OP. Just move somewhere else. Sounds like you need a huge change. Are U in UK? Do you have dependents other than the cats?

Original poster
tormentil · 01/03/2019 22:20

Wish it was so easy. I moved away once . 2003. Nothing went right. Came back 2013, armed and aware. Kept to myself - but here I am again. Same stuff- different players.

OP posts:
Original poster
tormentil · 01/03/2019 22:21

I love where I live.

OP posts:
Original poster
tormentil · 01/03/2019 22:25

No dependents now. Just exhausted. The cats belong to my daughter. I live in Scotland.

OP posts:
Original poster
tormentil · 01/03/2019 22:42

This is really difficult.
I've had mental health support for trauma for the past three years. The trauma has come from the community in which I live and goes back over 20 years. For the stability of my children I have put up with a lot. In recent years I have collapsed. I was making progress with the mental health support until recently. My Dr has married someone who crossed boundaries andmade me feel as if I have been raped. That I feel violated is without a doubt. No one wants to talf about it. My Dr knows (because we had a conversation) and I feel as if I am of no consequence. I do not want to discuss things that are personal to me with her - but in doing so riskbeing labelled as diffuclt. I don't know how to navigate tihs. I didn't ask he husband to violate me. She is the employed professional.

OP posts:
Original poster
tormentil · 01/03/2019 22:57

don't understand much of this myself to be honest. I never had any intentions to be 'difficult'. I'm very alone and hate that I've somehow found myself in a difficult position with my Dr. That she recently married a man who crossed boundaries and left me feeling violated is like a worst nightmare. I'm 53 and trying to be adult about it all and it isn't working.

OP posts:
lljkk · 02/03/2019 04:37

Love where you live but "The trauma has come from the community in which I live and goes back over 20 years."

Does not compute.

BayandBlonde · 02/03/2019 07:40

Hi, you kept saying this guy crossed boundaries. I guess just reporting him to the police isn't an option?

Don't let the guy into your home, don't even speak to him. If he continues to try and harass you, tell his GP wife and demand she sorts it out.

If your worried about the tiny clicky community turning against you, then you are better off elsewhere.

It's unlikely this is going to happen again in a new community unless you are encouraging it

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