Hi this is my first ever thread.
I feel awful, my son is 9. He hasn’t lived with me since he was just over one year old and has lived with his dad since and hasn’t had the easiest life with dad either.
Dad took over when he was just over one as I had a very unstable enviroment at that time and I agreed as I was trying to get out of an abusive relationship which part of me is thankful I did as it turned violent. That relationship ended a year later and I suffered severe depression and anxiety and was vulnerable and another abusive partner picked up on that trying to help me and I was again in an abusive relationship. However this one was financial and emotional.
During the financial and emotional abusive relationship. He allowed me contact with my son and then the abuse became worse so therefore the contact became inconsistent.
People think when I talk about this that I’m evil. I didn’t have or fight for my son living with me as there’s not a lot I could give him in a safe enviroment and I couldn’t get out of the relationship easily at all.
Several years ago, dad and step mum applied for parental responsibility and I found out they were successful years later. I didn’t receive an invite to oppose it. I believe cafcass gave the court my incorrect address and the court paperwork was sent to the wrong address.
Part of me feels I was never taught to become a mum and this might play a part. My mum was a heroin drug addict and I was raised by my Nan and grandad from the age of 6. They had legal guardianship.
I’m scared as I have now applied to the court for an arrangement order but what if he resents me. He already calls me ‘tummy mummy’ or my first name because he’s been told to do that by dad and step mum.
I just want to make everything right again and make him happy.
I blame myself I really do.
FYI I have moved to a new city and got a decent career and made sure I’m stable before applying to the court.
It felt really good to explain it to you and I hope you understand. I can’t say it all out loud so I thought this may help.