Falling back into depression

[okl299]

I had a really bad year last year with regards to my depression and finally in December got back on anti depressants saw a counsellor and got back into a good place. In January I had a really great month lost weight (healthily) and felt good about myself. In February I started seeing a guy who I really fell for and had high hopes it would go somewhere. It turned out it didn’t, and it’s really knocked me back and although I’m now over the fact that it’s for the best, that it wasn’t meant to be, I feel very much back in that ‘what’s the point’ mindset. I feel again like everyone is doing more and better things than me, feel very alone despite having the same network as I did in January when I felt good, and honestly have no motivation for life.

I slept nearly 10 hours last night which is never a good sign for me. I sleep more when I’m in a bad place.

Every time I go back to this place I feel angry and disappointed and that it’s never going to end, that my good times won’t last and I don’t want to carry on with it anymore. I have suicidal thoughts but do not believe I will do it as I still have the logic to see how much it would hurt my family. But that just makes me feel trapped in this life I cannot handle with no way out. I just don’t know how I can be in the same situation as I was in January when I felt good, and feel so bad.

I’m scared to talk to my family and friends because they were so relieved when I got better in December and just feel I am boring them when I keep going back to this place.

I think being alone doesn’t help and that’s why seeing this guy and it ending (despite it being really short and not really knowing him THAT well) has knocked me back and made me feel more alone again. Having a taste of what I could have and how nice it could be, to have it taken away.

Perhaps the strength you need is within yourself. If you don't need anyone or anything to make you happy cn you imagine how strong and free you would feel.
Perhaps concentrating on yourself and being who you are first and foremost before dating.
As you said in your OP you were doing great and then this guy came along and you invested in him, then he let you down.
Being strong enough to cope with the changes in life needs self belief.

OP, everybody feels miserable if a relationship doesn’t work out. You might not be having a depressive relapse, you might simply be sad for perfectly normal reasons.
Have a good cry over it, but then put it behind you. Focus on all the good things in your life - even little things like a sunny day, or a nice cup of tea. And bigger things like having a family who care about you.
Use your cognitive therapy techniques to challenge any negative thoughts.
If you find that your mood is continuing to sink, then go back to your GP or CPN and discuss increasing your medication. Sending a hug, and my prayers that you soon start to come up again and find enjoyment in your life.