hyper manic episode....need info please

[slim22]

1 month ago, one of my best friend started getting really hyper and incoherent.
What I did not know, she's been battling this for 2 years now. I called her husband who was on business trip and he recognises the signs immediately and explains, she's had 2 episodes before and was sectioned once for 4 days.
I knew she had a breakdown, quit a very successfull career to turn to amateur theatre and contempary art. I lived through the doubts, depression and then elation with her. I thought she was on a high for the last few months because she'd finally broke free from the mould, pursued her dreams and she's just generally a very geniune, happy, enthousiastic person. So I was so happy that she was not down anymore, that she did not need antidepressants anymore that I never put 2 and 2 together and thought about her actually being bipolar.
Her hubby just respected her privacy and she told him to shut up, so he did.

this time she's been in hospital one month. The 28 day initial period is over and they won't release her 'cause she still incoherent and very wiry.
I've since left UK and on other side of planet. Desperate to understand and help, but can't understand why they keeping her so long. her hubby desperate and no friends to help because he wants to keep it quiet. Her parents there temporarily but they live overseas.

Please, please,please, somebody with insight on this illness give me some feedback,
I looked on manic depression fellowship website but forum is not very informative. Not much feedback because peolple with ilness don't want to have serious discussion. I got replies such as, well....when we have a depressed episode, all we want is ti get back on the high manic episode cause so much more fun.
That is the root of the problem I think.
Anyone?

PS: so sorry, I realise post so long.......will anyone bother?

hi, just read your message, a friend of mine (well ex-sil) was taken into a hospital, they only released her when her medication stated working and she was 'less' manic and apparently more 'normal' (as stated by her doctor). Your friend may still be there as the medication she is on hasnt had a chance to work into her system yet, or are not working for her. It can take a while for them to get the combination of the right medication for each person, as we are all different.

hth, and makes sense. hope your friend is back home soon

thx for reply.
The medication is not working. First time round she was settled in 4 days. This time does not work at all. 4 weeks on....stil not working.
Just can't believe episode is so long. What next?

If you bump this in the morning, there are other MNers who have more experience of this. I'll see if I can point someone in this direction.

Sorry I can't be any more help.

hi i have been pointed in this direction by mamama.She knows i have a sister who has bi-polar.if i can help at all please let me know.i will check this thread frequently to look for you.

m sis has been in hospital twice and each time was for three months,She was lucky and went into the priory because she was covered by her dh ( now ex )bupa cover.Bi -Polar is a very difficult and complex illness to live with and takes a lot of understanding.It is sometimes very difficult to understand why people with this illness act like they do.In order to help someone with bi-polar you first need to find out all the information that you can.Then it starts to make more sense.The medication sometimes can be trial and error.The highs can be quite awful as much as the lows which is when suicidal thoughts creep in .With a lot of support and love people with this illness can recover quite well,although there is the risk it can come back ,but if you know the signs you can get help quickly.My sis and i have been through some very upsetting times,but am glad to say we are out the other end for the moment ,she is now well enough to be able to hold down a part time job. Sorry this is so long but there is so much to say about it.

i have to go ou now but will check this later.

Mummylin, so glad to find someone sensible to talk to!

People close to my friend (husband and parents) are just so upset and shocked at the moment!
Actually her hubby is amazingly resilient as all she talks about is divorce. She cristallised on this as if it would be a miracle switch that would free her to fully embrace her artistic cravings.

Truth is he never stopped her in anyway. One day she was an extremely successeful investment banker wanting a break to have a baby, the next she was an aspiring young actress/contemporary art critic and he fully encouraged, financed everything. No questions asked.

I feel so sorry for him. He gets so much verbal/emotional abuse at the moment. He knows it's the illness and yet, how can he possibly cope when she is so delusional and fixating on other men?
I know time is a healer, but how do you help someone through all this? I just don't want him to give up on her because he is just emotionally drained and deeply hurt by all the rubish she throws at him!

i have to tell you that my sisters marriage has now broken down and with it the whole of her family has collapsed.Did you know that some of the drugs that they are given can give them increased sexual desires ?? It is very hard to cope with this illness and my sister tried to hide it,i have to say that none of my family have any idea how to treat her that is why she always comes to me.I am not some do gooding person and i was the same to start with,but it was so bad i had to learn about it,We have agreed to differ on so many things else we would fall out.She knows i am always there for her,butitis hard Now i take each day as it comes and wory only when the next crisis pops up.Then i deal with it and now i know i can.

think that some people because they dontunderstand it say " just pull yourself together " but its not that simple ,as i said bi-polar is very difficult to live with ,It is very worrying for the family who tend to think that the person who has bi-polar is over reacting to things,when in fact it is the nature of the illness.Initially my sis would avoid everyone ,even if she were here in my house and any family came round ,she would hide upstairs in my bedroom [ this includes our mum ]You only had to say one wrong word and she would get in hysterics and stomp out ,would eat upstairs away from her husband and children,loads of eccentric behaviour but all because of the illness.i have to go now but do keep in touch and i will chat to yo about it again .Do tell your friends husband ,it is very difficult for him but can be very frightening for her.

one more thing my sis is also in the artistic thing,she sings and dances in a local choir.It was a counsellor who firstput the idea in her head that her dh wasn good for her !!! he had actually been a brick for her,but once the idea was planted there was no stopping her self destruct button,bye talk soon i hope .

mummylin, thank you so much for your honest and supportive thread.
I keep thinking of your last comment....since I left the UK I wake up with shivers in the middle of most nights thinking how bloody frightened she must be when she is aware enough to realise she's in a bloody mental hospital and can not communicate on the same level as "normal people".

amazing! We found out after talking to her doctor at the hospital that The stupid psychotherapist she was seeing also convinced her that her husband was nothing else but a degenerate macho who was encouraging/alienating her by giving her the confort of being a kept woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How irresponsible! He never, ever picked up the phone to speak to the family about how she was seriously getting high and just kept feeding her idea that yes should could really make it big as a stage actress.
Unbelievable.

one thing to ponder/remember is that for someone who is bipolarlife is horrendously complex...she is coping with all the normal things of life, emotional, practical, doubts, deisions etc that everyone faces

eg career change mid life, having kids, hopes, wishes and aspirations and compromises

coupled with a concurrent swinging of mood and self doubt which can be quite paralysing..one minute she is supremely confident and certain of her thoughts and abilities and the next totally confused with racing thoughts or terrible self doubt and suicidal feelings

her life is a constant round of am i normal

I hope she makes it home soon and when she does things like enough sleep, good diet, limit on alcohol and exercise all help

Just here for a quick minute.She has been seen byvarious psychiatrists[sp] and they all told her something different. she still sees them all the time.They told my sis her and her husband were not good for each other ,the finally separated 6 months before their silver wedding. While i dont doubt the medical people all the time ,the people she has seen do plant ideas in her head.If she was well she would probably shrug comments off ,but because she is so vulnerable she believes what they say .for example " i dont think you and are good for each other " sis thinks well if thinks that they must be right,This is in spite of having avery good and supportive husband at the time..Its long road to travel and im afraid there is no quick fix for this.She and her husband will need all the support they can get.

thx for your posts.
You confirm what I thought already.
I talked about this in lenght with her husband. I mean we all go through good and bad days, doubts etc.... This ilness just makes it so hard to deal with everyday life without constantly worrrying if the mood is induced by the ilness or not, if any given problem is a cause or consequence of the mood etc....

He said that is exactly why he respected her wish not to tell anyone. Because he did not want that cloud of suspicion hoverting over her head. He wants evrybody tosee the person, not the potential mental patient.
I fully support him, but the same time, had we known, we could have spotted the high maybe....talked it through, forced her to get back on medication, I'm probably just wishing there was something to do to prevent relapses when there isn't really.

it is a difficult time ,but you can get throught it with a lot of patience and understanding.It may take months to get her stable because of her medication,some things will work for her some things wont,But as i said My sister now working part time and is quite stable at the moment.I personally cant imagine the turmoil that people with bi-polar go through.Its like a living nightmare for them i think.

mummylin, wish you the best for your family. Thanks for your support. Will certainly be back for info as and when.
Take care

ok anything i can help with ,you will be welcome.keep your chin up and tell her husband there is a light at the end of the tunnel eventually !!!

slim22 how is your friend getting on now ? i was just reading about her from your previous posts. Do let me know when you have time.

hi,
thanks for asking!
She's back home now.
had a sensible chat on the phone. She is not talking divorce anymore. I can't say if it's the knowledge that her only alternative at the moment would be to stay with her parents for a while untill she an make sense of what she really wants.
That's even more terrifying as that would mean being forced to pretend that everything is fine. They are in total denial.
Her husband is at the end of the teether having dealt with her outrageous outburts and his in laws in the house 24/7 for the past 2 months, with no one even remotely interested in how he is faring.
I think it's probably best if she goes home for a couple of weeks to allow her to put things into perspective and him to regroup and have a good night's sleep and hopefully get to grips with the backload in his business.
He is the sole provider for his widowed mum and one single mum sister and has already had to deal with a fair share of depression and heartache in his own family!

I think it's really of matter of her getting to grips with the enormity of the situation. That this time, she was in hospital (and deelusional) for a whole month and that she has to admit that she is ill and accept to manage her illness. If she can accept the medication, the group therapy, the lifestyle changes etc...
He dearly loves her but still wants a discussion about all the crap that came up. Do you think it's right at this point?
He understands that the hyper episode did dramatise her feelings to the extreme but still if she focused on divorce so badly, then, as any couple they should sit down and discuss it?
Would greatly apreciate your toughts, as you've seen it all before.
many thx

hi there

i really hope your friend is okay my mother has bipolar or manic deppression as it used to be called so i have lived with this for many years. with out going into too much detail i agree with others it is a very complex illness and she needs support not just medical, cognitive thearpy really helped my mum as did MIND which is a national organisation which offers great support to both the sufferer and the relatives and it sounds like your friends husband could really use some.
www.mind.org.uk/

hi ruthie. Thanks. we have contacted mind and have read their booklets.
I'm going to look into cognitive therapy thks

Hi slim.its such a difficult illness to try and comprehend,and whatis right for one person even though it is the same illness need not be the correct thing for another.I feel for your friends husband with all he is dealing with ,but your friend cant help anything that is happening to her.People can be very vulnerable and in my sisters case she just takes on board whatever one cousellor or another tells her.She then goes to another one who tells her something else and thats how it continues.But once she had the idea of a divorce put in her head ,thats was it ,no going back for her.We were all shocked becasue her dh had been so supportive of her,but i can see that my sister thoguth it was the right thing to do in her ill mind.If your friend is now more stable and wants to discuss her marriage with her husband ,it would probably help him,but he has to understand that what she says may not be really herself talking.And also its not so good to get her upset if she is still feeling quite ill.Dont forget that when the lows come they are terrible for the person concerned.we cant begin to imagine how awful they feel.I dont know what the answer is,i can only speak about my own situation with my sister.I imagine her husband has been struggling to cope with everything ,but believe me when your friend has been going through this terrible illness it has been so much worse for her.All mostof us can do really is to support people with bi=polar and any sort of mental illness.It really is terrible for them.please let me know how they are getting on

hey,
thanx for your post.
She is starting to feel low. We are doing what we can to get her to just chill and get back to a steady routine.
I'm so worried that he will not want to wait it out a bit and provoke a discussion. Agree she is too weak to talk now.
Wish he would get counselling to help him through the next few weeks/months.
He thinks he's seen it all before and probably rightfully so, but he is also very fed up and vulnerable too at the moment.
Anyway, time is a healer they say.....

when my sis went into a clinic ,she was told it was better for her not to have any contact with any of the family !!! not in person or by phone,it was like thay had shut us out ,at no time has it ever been suggested that we could discuss anything at all with doctors .Its as though they wanted to cut us off completely.Anyway its 3 years down the line now ,and things are much improved for us ,but of course it can come back at any time,but for now she is quite stable but still chasing around seeing various counsellors.And recently she went on a course for 12 days where they did meditation.It clearly stated that for anyone suffering with any sortof mental illness they would not be allowed there ,So,she didnt tell them ,There was a vow of silence there ,no speaking for the whole time ,no phone,all veggi food,no "revealing " clothes ,no perfume,no books,and loads of other stuff.I was extremely worried about her and she admitted when she came out that on the third day she was going to sneak out to her car and phone me on her hidden mobile to go and get her.Anyway if your friend gets too low dont hesitate to get her the help she needs.I feel for her husband ,you just dont know what to do for the best,its hard.but tell him it does get better eventually.