Stay at home mother and my mental health is deteriorating

[dontcallmesarah]

I guess I'm just here to see if anyone else has felt the same... I had my youngest DD when I was young she is now 3 and 4 months ago I've just had my second DD. I have always been a stay at home mother and I love my children dearly! But lately my mental health is slowly deteriorating staying at home all the time with the children! I feel very lonely and isolated I hardly see any family members and most of my friends are working and have moved away! I've tried play groups and hobbies are a no go due to DP works all the time so when he's home from work he's too tired to be left with the girls! Lately I've started loosing my relationship with DP as I'm always down and moody as he says it! I just have nothing to talk to him about at the end of the day other than I've stayed in and played with the girls. He thinks he's got it harder as he goes to work I don't think how mentally draining and lonely it is staying in with children 24/7 as the children are the only people I really talk to.. it's all just too much baby talk! Sorry for rambling I guess I'm just looking to see if anyone else has been in the same situation xx

Just wanted too say I know exactly how you feel. I left work to stay at home with my son, and it can be a very lonely time. I have no family or friends close by. I do have a couple of friends who have older kids but they are all busy and are back at work etc. My hubby works away a lot and I feel on my own. I also go to play groups and may have a quick chat with another Mum, but everyone seems so busy. I did make a friend who lives close by with a child the same age, but now she's pg again she's dumped me for other friends who are also pg lol. I have the same feelings, about not having much to say to DH when he returns as all I do is housework and take the little one out. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful to be spending all this time bringing my child up, but it is a strange feeling sometimes, when you can go days without speaking to another adult or feel you haven't achieved something. I expect there are lots of Mums who feel like this too, you are not alone x

Thankyou Mycroft8787 it feels so much better to know I'm not alone 😩😩 it all just gets too much sometimes xxx

I have days like that, good days will come again. You’ll be out at the park and have a lovely chat with someone, and you’ll feel so lucky you have the opportunity to be a sahm and have this time to spend with your children. Maybe try explaining to your DH about how you feel. I have tried but I don’t think he appreciates how difficult and lonely it can be. He lives in a different world, hes on a plane most weeks and is constantly surrounded by people. I can’t do any hobbies or go to any regular adult classes as I never know when he will be home and have no one to babysit. I’d say persist with the play groups. Sometimes it can take 6 months to connect with other people. When your eldest starts preschool or school, maybe you could look at starting a part time job and putting your youngest in nursery a couple of days a week? Xx

I work part time as I knew being at home all the time would drive me round the bend. My wages are enough to cover the nursery fees, so whilst I don't really earn anything it doesn't cost us any extra either, my daughter loves nursery too.

Been there too.Its horrible.I felt so isolated and alone. A simple 'hello' would brighten my day so so much and I'd be so grateful if I found someone to chat in the park.
I would always be clock-watching for 7pm when my partner would come home from work and I would have some adult conversation- only to be dissapointed as he was tired and grumpy...
There's lots of people just like you feeling the same way. It does get better once the children start school and nursery.

I was in your position as well. I worked part time evenings and it was horrible because all my time in the day was spent running around after the kids and then I went to work. I had absolutely no time for myself, no leisure time, nothing. My relationship with DH went to shit because we never saw one another and I resented him because in my eyes he had it easier. The final straw was about this time last year. I was having suicidal thoughts.

I went back to work full time last September working in the day. My youngest is 3 so he got funding for 30 hours childcare and eldest is in school. I am happier now. I actually have some brief time and space for myself in each day.

You need to do something that is just for you. Working part time, studying or even joining a gym etc. Something that doesn't involve your kids.

Doesn't matter how bloody tired your DP is, that's no excuse not to parent his children alone for a few hours to give you breathing space. Don't ask him, TELL him.

Don't do your mental health in OP for the sake of being a SAHM. My dsis is ten years older than me and our mother was a SAHM to her. My dsis's memories of her childhood are of seeing our mother severely depressed. My experience is different because our mother went out to work. I still missed her but my childhood was not blighted.

With my own dd I was fortunate enough to be able to work half-days, which was the best of both worlds. She loved being at nursery and we had great fun in the afternoons.

Also, my local council run leisure centre has a crèche that is really cheap, something like £2ph. You can leave your children up to 2 hours per day. They have gym facilities, classes, a pool, sauna etc, a library and a cafe. Maybe there is one close to you? An hour in the gym or a Pilates class may help you feel a bit better x

Hi Op
I am a SAHM to 3. My youngest is 15 months. This time last year I was very low, I lacked motivation and felt isolated and depressed. I think that the post partum hormones were a contributing factor. It may be worth considering this. 1 year later I feel more balanced, I go out everyday to a playgroup, and whilst I don't have a great deal of adult company I cope better. I read a lot of news and listen to the radio,gives e something to chat about with the husband.
The first year is tough with a baby and child.

Totally been there too and nowsomeof my friends are having babies I've noticed it in them. I knew things were bad when I went into a shop and I was thinking why is she so happy, that must be put on about a worker, and I realised I didn't believe anyone could be happy in life anymore and I'd forgotten how to be happy! I started by trying to do something for myself, even if it was as small as a bar of chocolate reading a magazine when the kids are in bed. Then I made sure to ring people I knew for a chat and to go into shops to simply say hi or make conversation. Tell your family and your friends how you feel and hopefully they'll help( I didn't do this and I wish I had but now I ring my friends regularly). Honestly it gets better

I’m not a SAHM but I did struggle towards the end of mat leave with DC1. For me, I realised a lot of my identity is tied up with my work and felt much happier once I went back. I’d echo what others are saying about finding something for you, where you get to be yourself not mummy while doing it. What do you/did you enjoy doing? You can also point out to your DP that in households where both parents work FT there’s no “I’m too tired from work to do any parenting” - we just have to get on with it. So he totally has capacity to look after his own children for a couple of hours to give you a break a couple of times a week. I’m just as knackered and fed up after a full day wrangling small children as I am after a day at the office!