Anxiety. Help please!

[Wineloffa]

I’ve struggled a bit with anxiety in the past but it’s always been manageable. However, this past week my anxiety is through the roof and crippling me. I can’t sleep with intrusive thoughts going round in my head, then when I finally drop off I wake up two hours later in a panic drenched in sweat. I’m convinced that I’m useless, bad at my job, don’t deserve to work on my team, etc. I can’t concentrate and I’m constantly irritable. My appetite is gone but when I do eat, I have to run to the bathroom immediately afterwards.

This was triggered by a mistake I made at work which my manager is aware of and says she’ll sort out. Normally I would be able to cope with this but I’m horrified and embarrassed that I was so careless and Im beating myself up constantly. It’s like I’ve become obsessed with it and I can’t put it to one side.

My anxiety is so bad I’m starting to wonder if maybe I have an overactive thyroid or I’m perimenopausal (I’m 39). Has anyone any experience of this? How can I calm this anxiety? I feel like I’m really losing it. Otherwise my life is great. Lovely DH, great kids, nice house, we both earn decent salaries. I should be a lot happier than I’m feeling right now.

Ok so first of all you are NOT losing it .The fact that you worry about going mad is proof that you aren't...next yes the level of anxiety will go down and i strongly advise you to look up for Dr Claire Weekes audios/books ( free audio books available on Youtube) .What is done is done and what you are doing now is called ruminating , ruminating only increases stress and anxiety levels, you CANNOT change what has already happened. Also cbt4panic ( online free cbt from someone who has suffered with anxiety and has RECOVERED)... Now for night time there's an amazing video on youtube called "detachment from overthinking.." Its a meditation audio i really recommend you to listen to it every night before bed.You've got this

You've got this*

Thanks for replying and sorry it’s taken so long to get back to you. I have considered CBT in the past, I think I’ll sign up to a course now. I had an ok week but anxiety soared again yesterday in work and I had an awful night’s sleep last night. Woke up in a panic, drenched in sweat again. I suffer badly from imposter syndrome too and making this mistake in work feels like all of my fears and insecurities have come true. The mistake has far reaching consequences across the company so other people will find out and they’ll all gossip about me, call me careless, unprofessional, stupid, etc. I really can’t handle the prospect of it. I’m going to try and not let this affect my weekend but I’m so worried and distracted it’s difficult. I really wish I could quit my job, it’s actually ruining my life.

Hello @Wineloffa. I'm sorry you're feeling like this - I can really relate to the imposter syndrome / worrying about work. I have found CBT helpful in the past so would definitely recommend trying it out - your GP may be able to refer you to some NHS treatment, though waiting lists can be several months. There are decent self help books out there (the worry cure by R Leahy is quite a good one, as well as the 'this book will make you ...' series ) & I've heard about online courses too though I've never tried.
The most important thing to hang onto (IMO) is that anxiety is an illness, and a very treatable one at that, so once you've accessed the right support you can expect to make good progress towards recovery.

Thanks @KarBB I’ve downloaded The Worry Cure. I’ve read two chapters so far and a lot of it resonates with me. I am absolutely terrified of failure and worry constantly because of this. I think it stems from my childhood. I was a really bright precocious child and my parents and teachers always made a fuss about how clever I was and how my reading was so advanced, exam results so great etc. This made me feel I always had to be the best at everything and nothing less would be good enough. As a result I was an anxious worried child and would put myself under enormous pressure to achieve. This has stayed with me and now translates into my work.

@Wineloffa It sounds like we're very similar - I'm a textbook female perfectionist who was never taught to fail... then as soon as life threw up a few challenges in early adulthood anxiety & panic struck!
Glad the book resonates with you - you are definitely not alone!

It's just a mistake. I can agonise over them too, but it's still just a mistake.

2 yrs from now, how will you look back on it? Unless it turns out to be life-changing, it's not worth agonising over now.

The other line I tell myself is:

"If this is the worst mistake I make all year, how bad will my year have been?" Normally thinking like that turns an overwhelming event into something merely annoying. I often end up with the conclusion "If this is the worst thing that happens to me at work all year, then I am one lucky kipper."

I can totally relate, but in a different way. I had a meltdown at work because a manager didn't know how to handle me and my illness, which led to fact finding interviews and threat of disciplinary action for me. I thought I was going to lose my job, not be able to cover our bills, and end up homeless. I was frantic. In the end my fantastic trade union rep smoothed things over with the manager and it was sorted, but for quite a while it was all I could think about.

I know other people with anxiety who have similar experiences. The situation seems huge, but we forget that it can be sorted out, eventually.

@lljkk great advice - I try to do that too though so hard to remember in the moment. My therapist called it the 'helicopter' - visualise the helicopter gradually taking off above your worry and how the perspective changes as it gets higher and higher - from taking up its entire view, to becoming a tiny insignificant speck on the landscape...

Thanks for all your replies. I’m so very hard on myself all the time. My inner voice is very negative and I’m always chastising and putting myself down (this sounds mad I know). I hide my worry and anxiety very well though, people in real life would be surprised if I told them this. My DH knows I obsess over work and has advised me to get it into perspective and under control but I can’t.
@waterlooelephant sorry to hear all of that happened to you, it must have been a very stressful time for you but glad you got it all sorted out. Are you still suffering from anxiety?