Really struggling with OCD and related depression

[Jayne05]

Hi, I’ve had OCD for as long as I can remember. Had numerous treatments, medication and CBT over the years. Unfortunately nothing seems to help. I’ve tried talking to my husband who does his best but can’t understand what it’s like to HAVE to do certain things at certain times and be unable to function normally. My compulsions change regularly and at the moment it’s food and exercise. I was diagnosed anorexic in my early twenties, I’m now 42, but I’m convinced it’s the OCD that is the main cause. I’m currently on the max dose fluoxetine 60mg and 300 mg do pregabalin for the anxiety side of things.
At the moment tho, life is just one massive struggle. Like completely pointless. Wake up, do exactly the same things and if I don’t something bad will happen. Checking doors, hobs, candles are out etc. It’s just a never ending nightmarish prison. I feel like going to sleep and not waking up would be so easy. I don’t want to die I just don’t want to carry on living in this literal Groundhog Day. Fortunately I’ve got an appointment with a psychiatrist this Friday but where do I start? I feel like I’m just wasting everyone’s time and this is it. I worry constantly that I’ve said something bad or someone, checking texts over and over before I send them, same with cards. And I know I’ll feel like this post is a mistake the second I press send. I just wondered if there was anyone else who’d had OCD of this nature and made it better even if not cured it. God, sorry for the essay and seriously don’t blame you if you don’t read it or reply. What can anyone say ultimately?

For me ERP therapy worked wonders- basically it's cbt that's specifically tailored for OCD and I had a lot of sessions - over a year. If you haven't tried it I would enquire about it. My OCD wasn't the same (contamination) but the same level of utter hell that controlled everything

The best thing I can remember was to force myself to wait 15 mins before I carried out a compulsion and just sit with the anxiety for that 15 mins. I think it was less than 15 mins initially but I built up to that being my rule.

I haven't found any medications particularly worked wonders other than oddly metformin for pcos seems to chill me out and I strongly believe there's a link with women's health issues and anxiety and depression. Not sure why metformin would... maybe something to do with blood sugars

Thank you so much for replying, that’s interesting and not something I’d heard of before. I’ll ask about that on Friday. Perfect description tho, utter hell. Hope you’ve got some relief from it now x

Not heard of before

See, despite all my checking I still manage to screw it up 😞. Anyway thank you again x

Don't worry I understood 😉 all the best for your appointment

Thank you 🙂

How did your appointment go?

It was very draining but I found out I don’t have actual OCD but OCPD which is a personality disorder. Scary and not exactly what I wanted to hear but at least I have a diagnosis. He’s added a mood stabiliser to my current medication and was very honest that the most effective way to control this is with therapy CBT of some sort. I’ll have to see how the new medication goes but in the meantime am on the list for therapy and he advised to try to learn some of the techniques at home thru books or online. Thank you so much for thinking of me, it really means
a lot and I hope you can find some relief x

Yeah I have only just heard of OCPD recently, interesting that they're diagnosing it now actually and quite good as it means that it's getting more known about where many OCD related things are missed unless someone fits stereotypes even with the professionals often

Definitely push for ERP and hope the mood stabiliser makes a difference 💐